Imminent peace

Filled and overflowing with the emptiness of anxiety!
I doubt whether butterflies wings are that heavily laden

The dust from their wings, inhibits my breathing causing dizzy spells and glossy eyes
all with the intoxicating scent of tomorrow.

the 354th day in the year 2008, a leap year...
as midnight strikes, the air is cooler...as night lingers for a few more hours to be the first to kiss the coming dawn.

As the clouds reveal the rising sun, the sky gleams differently today...
there's a different aura on the flowers, and a different melody from song birds today...
Listen...can you hear it...

The air, the smell, the songs, the sounds...
all in your tribute! all for your return...

My breathing is slightly released
as i wake to the coming of her steps, the swinging of her arms, the rhythm of her breathing...

I rise today of all days, where the sun will shine brightest, the wind will blow coolest, and all things will be at peace.

My once palpitating heart will be quelled with the softness of her kiss
my jittering hands and eyes, will be steadied with the firmness of her embrace

My ears long her tender laughter
my eyes run tears of joy to behold her eternal smile
My soul is now at peace and at one

As i stand before her, years have kept us apart
but destiny has drawn us closer with each coinciding breath

Now to hear those words,
sail from the sweetness of her voice
from the honey coated lips i long to kiss every so gently
those words;
"I LOVE YOU"
as live as life...
then..and only then...
My world will then be complete

Dreamy real

Rolls and twists in the dew like air within 4 walls
creamy solid panes, with transparent aged glass from the 15th century separate me...

Drip, drop, splash...
heavy brushing winds, howling melodiously, la la bying a resting head
soft chills run up and down my spine, my toes cling to one another for warmth...
chilled earlobes along with a dog like nose.

Though cold, sheets not doing enough to bring me back to human warmth...
my thoughts are wrapped around the right sentiments!!

Blushing and smiling to myself, as flashes of a "type written" voice, digitized laughs & kisses are remembered.

The entire world stops! as my thoughts revolve around and round and round...
my missed, my blessed, and my love!!

hmmm's and ummmm's whispered in silent grins while eyes shut tight! roll with every delightful mental image.

Chasing the coming sun from inside my mind...i drag sheets to cover my eyes to elude it...
bury my head deeper in sinking softness, to give myself the illusion of night.

Once escaping to such a happy place, it is almost impossible to accept reality...
but with that acceptance, there is a shimmer of hope and even a greater possibility that with my waking, you're there with me!

Near away

Glance, think, deny
Stare, wonder, lust

Even sided trails, striding "leap-ish-ly", paying no heed behind you!
Even sided trails, even steps to match you leaps, but eyes fixed on the prize!

we meet, we talk, we mingle...
we then tie, we then make time, we then share love

Love at the cost of death to ones self & suicide to another
Blood heavy of long eye lashes, melted smiles & whispered conversation at mid morning

Hidden intension along every second, laced with the venom of hatred for another...
Heed and converted for the key to freedom.

Sought in the eyes of danger, we sail a stream of edges...
No longer conscience of death!!

Naive to the conception of wraths spawn in days coming
Our infatuations grow wild!!

Now years after months after days...
You anchor your corner, so do me mine!

We have grown apart...
"Destined!? Just another phase!?"

I submit to you this...
Words thrown to the winds blast, can only return from whence they came, for i have not listened, or even had the chance to hear of what you say, but time can only attest to what you saw in your minds eye

So...further breakage, further separation, can only serve to reveal one's new intention!!

signed: King Leonidas

Headway PT1

Drawing breath of the morning dew...
Its 5:45am..."An ungodly hour" i thought, yet creatures of work lurked.
Hurriedly they filled the roadways with their problems, more than their numbers!!

Bubbled conversations with themselves filled the airwaves, distorting frequencies of "achievement"
Ardent steps taken, to the rhythm;

walk me ah walk to find ah means
some streets, some rivers, some even streams
but all de walk me ah walk, me nah see de day
wey meh cyan enjoy de money from meh pay!

Fram mornin till night, meh bun meh eye
wukin de wuk, with no reply
Struggle meh ah struggle, day by day
and day by day, i pray nah fi stay

Pickney ah cry, woman ah bawl
"Mi affa get de money fu go ah meat stall"
Look up in de air, band me belly
Dash mi han in mi pocket, fuh pull....fuh pull...fuh pull....

Scurry, scurry... i betta hurry, cause is cuff and cuss and stick from she!!
Scurry, scurry...mi pickney watch me, like dey hauk and spit and shit pun me!!
Money, money...wey could dat be, caw ah wuk me ah wuk fuh it honestly
But doh mi ah wuk, de money dem ah chuck, but by de time ah blink mi tun back bruck

So meh gon and walk...
From early meh walk...
Caw me tun like hawk...
Is wuk me a stalk...

So meh gon and walk...
From early meh walk...
Caw me tun like hawk...
Is wuk me a stalk...

I stand, stop and stare, only to hear the fading steps of the wonderer
Etched patterns of his turmoil, ridden by the charcoal tar

Now swept by the tide of foreign dreams, the hopeless mask approaching
As 1 follows 2, set in sequence, this logic...bare...simply complex...like that of an equation

Shine eye gyal, walk with a "carry.... a hop & a sway"
yo ain't gat no choice but fu look she way...
Hips broad and nice, you start to lust...
"this thing champion man!...i would glad fu brush!!"
But...look at she good, and ya gon see...
all she pain and she agony

If you had any clue...of what she would say to you
if only you spoke to her...just for like 2!! this is what she'd scream at you!

...Is men like YOU!! mek i stray...come in meh life and seh ya gon stay!!
next thing you know, meh belly get high, when looking for you, you done seh "BYE BYE!"
So couple years pass, just turn 23...i got 4 boy chile and 1 gyal pickney
So when you look, ask yourself this!!!
you think it fair for me to in such despair...
you think it fair, for my children i can't care...
you think it fair, that i must buy false hair, and keep up a career, i can't even bear!!
You think it fair!!! You think it Fair!!

I've spoken the mind of fear and despair...
flashing and walking before me, like misty shadows
unshapen, unlikened, undone

For the hanging head on the street
for the wondering eyes, i often meet
Life is not a destiny, but it's a path on which we tarry
For every hill, trodden up and down, for every smile, for every frown
Priceless is the day you seek, so be kind, steadfast and meek
Soon and soon will come the day
that all the answers will come your way
soon and soon will come your way
that all the answers will come your way

The "5" in you!

To think i've only seen like 4 times...
4 times in my life...or if you count the 2 times i saw you that night! it would be 5!!
5 times...5 times!...

like that of my left hand...fingers...5 fingers!! but only one is for you!!
5...to think....5!! how many letters are in your name again!!...5 right!?

Hmm...ok...ok...so remind me...what do i call you!?
"Honey"!!...that's right... and how many letter are they!?....
i thought so...they're 5 too...

But why am i thinking about 5 boo...
i honestly have no clue...

But forget that number for now...or better yet keep it in mind...
because with 5 letters i can spell "shine" that's what yo do for me when i'm dark in my way!!
I was looking for that "tower" to lean on that "heart" to cling to, that "brain" to fall in love with!!

where would 5 years back take us...let's see... 07, 06, 05, 04, 03!!
You and me...back in 03'...
Me: mean
You: in green
Me: Callin'
You: Jus stallin'

Back in 03' that's when we first met, well talked!! because it wasn't till 4 yrs after did i see you!
and then i saw you 5 times...

Seems like it destiny, for you and me...for us to talk!!... way back in 03'!
But never to tell, or even smell one another...until the time of day and year was right!!

Now all i think about is when i would see you again! and what i would do when i see my boo...
And to think...the only thing that comes to mind...is to take a long hard look at what i've missed for 5 whole years before...

Was i blind!? didn't i see...that this beauty of nature can be with me!!

I'm thinking of the day, when i see you what i'd say...it would be nothing!! and oh and just case...
You'd have to rip me off you when i hold you in my embrace!!

Roses are red
you are my boo...
would you believe we both love blue!
i think things silly, you want kisses sweet
blessed was the day, our eyes did meet...
you think things silly, i want kisses too
Glad was the day i made you my boo...

Signed: DC(K)

US

Fetched by carriages of distance, we met through the eyes of different colours
Orbiting in our own galaxies, both wishing to meet in time, though not knowing that it was our planets that would collide.

Clueless to common cloud, drifters of space alike, the day surmised would no longer be unknown.
Father time himself, charted a peculiar course , with hair pin turns & death defying hills.

26-12-07 : Both landed in a common place
My eyes wild, bewildered to each sight beheld...stepping closely to a begin i deemed my "pair"
Though in the midst of this human fair, another alien to me appears...

Face usually lit, dimples deep...greeted with a high strung note:- "HI! how you doing?"
It happened so fast, i can't remember if we hugged, but i do know that my pair was there looking on closely.

We exchanged words briefly; knowing little of the coded language i heard from her lips.
"Bye, hope to see you lata" i believe were my words...but not hoping at all, for my frequencies we set to a different receiver.

Father time looked and grinned, for this wasn't enough...another wind he charted for our sails to meet once more.

Main Street (the tunnel)
Dark and dim, the aliens meet again...this time with a timely hug, though now closer than i expected, my mind drifts still! never anchoring to the "host" at hand...

"Are you staying? cause im just getting into the club!" slipping words of question from her lips
"No!" my reply; "i've got to get in now...my time has gone, don't worry! we'll meet up sometime"

Since, we've launched and flew and sailed again! never remembering the reason why we haven't stuck close. But as the saying goes, "Good things come to those who waits" but, what happens to the person that has no clue, that a "good thing" is looking at you!!?

Once more, Father time waves his wand, pleading with the wind to play his song
Little and little, some steps we've missed, but now and everlasting here come's our "twist"

22-31 /08/08
the season of the "arts", coupled with meeting and greeting...little did i know that these days defined change in "our" lives

We've walked in each others paths more often, with each meet, sparks intensify causing mutual attractions to stir, shunning mine were first and foremost! for i was not about to roll off orbit again!

Closer and closer father time brought "us"...until night and day has waxed "Us" firm

Amazing how thinking turn to whispers...how whispers come to talking, and now talkings turn to....priceless, prizeless connection of synced hearts.

Now......they're not enough hours in the day, for US to say what we have to say!
They're not enough days in the week, for "US" to laugh, sing and speak!

I'm loving the feeling or this new term "US"
I'm praying and hoping that this "Us" is not L"US"T!

DIE me!!

Every second... testimony to another miracle called life...
Though with each drawn breathe of satisfaction... it's often used to conjure thoughts of my coming death.

Daily i "DIE"! having no reason to wonder if this is my final destiny.
I've lived many lives, only to die to each one daily.

Abstract visions of cruel misery, some of which also i pass peacefully...
why do these visions consume me!? the agony of seeing me...as "no more"

Coupled to my "deaths" in life, i simulate the future as though current reality...
With eyes open wide, in my own world, i rule with a golden fist
Determined only to "develop & conquer" that which is written in the pages in my book of destiny

Heart beats faster, sending tons of adrenaline to give life to my virtual future...
I'm now breathing the air of my not too distant present....then...

I die again!!

Signs of the time, of my unfolding journey to greatness...
patient thoughts, with eager pacing steps! Often one's deemed "U" turns, nevertheless, a movement was made to further prepare me for what's to come.

So death to me though inevitable
visions to me though inescapable
is equal to a prepped, conditioned heart ....palpitating on course towards my predestined status...
until my final, final breath

Enlarged, powerful hence honored...
Remember the name! for it is ordained for fame.

Absent hands...why?

why should i force your hand?
as a matter of fact where is it?...where are they? where are your hands?

Feeble lip actions don't do the trick!!
i need to be reminded that i can be gripped and stimulated by a simple flick!

Roaming hands, intentional hands, unassuming hands!!

I felt wrong not to say, hence my curiosity to stay... a bit longer
my reluctance...my consequential disclosure!!

"where are your hands!?" For i got selfish of my feelings...
needing, and pleading mentally...sending signals or old, only not to be read by the somewhat "naive mind"
"Surprised!...baffled!...unexpected!"
similar to a popular card game, your "bluff" was called...

"Don't trouble trouble, till trouble trouble you" my granny used to say...
"I'm sorry darling, but longer, i cannot stay..."

Selfish my thinking, disappointed my demeanor , unsatisfied my being....

SO NOW!!!....answer me this, are you able with the consequences?

Yourself Mirrored

I've laughed the laugh of silence...

Jarring chuckles in the ear of my listeners!
Eyes, set dim, face a flat, expression "useless"

A solider like tramp from front to back, i walk, casting eyes neither left or right!
A silent stampede of my reluctance, evident in my appearance!

Though docile! my presence causes massive chaos in the simple minded...
as though i brandished guns of war & weapons of mass destruction...

Yet I only wore semi knitted brows, and a dissatisfied smirk..."because i was groggy..."
yet to them, i seemed like the devil's spawn...spewing scents of grudge & hatred, slinging spikes and daggers to all in my way!!

"Why read my mind!... make assumptions of my thoughts... then cast them on me, as though I conceived them!? Brand me with your thwarted thoughts of your uncanny reactions to a similar situations!"

"Then you call me devil!, then you call me bad!! then you call me rude!!!"

Take the plank out of your eye, before you warn me about the flint in mine!!...
For it is yourself you see, when you throw your remarks at me.

You throw stones at the mirror, for the image that you behold baffles you...
You cannot believe that it is your own demons you battle, and you try to manifest in ME!

Like the wind

Restless...
I've blown in the lives of many, touching thousands with a single blow
yet I've hurt no one enough to think that i would be remembered!!

"Just another passing breeze, just another brushing memory!"

As I've rolled, obviously gathering no moss...they've left the part out about the paths that have been created...for others to follow!

But i haven't stayed long enough to receive my due praise!

What am i!?

Am I the faceless ghost, that walks the light of day, seeking whom i may help and pass right on to gather my rewards in heaven?

Or am I the impatient beast, ranting every possibility to shreds, then regretting afterwards the first sight of want?

"I am the passing memory of many... easy to feel, fast to forget..."

"Like a needed breeze in the hot summer day, I come your way to satisfy "now" never to be remembered forever!"

Nights like this

Its nights like these that i'd liked to be kissed with the tenderness of the winds bliss. To be missed! In nights like this.

Its nights like this, i'd give my time to unwind & grind on the pillows of love new! Caressing you & fulfilling my wants needs to be in your inside!

Its nights like these I miss! Missed are nights like these! Where moonlight skates on tamed river tops, glistening eternally for man kind to see & enjoy...let alone, experience!

Its nights like these, single shelfs cleve to the dust of time! Even spiders wink at flies! Not to consume, but to resume the feeling of caring & sharing!

It's nights like these I miss my love lost! Though never found, I'm sure it's bound in that secret place! Where only I can unlock even with my lip's embrace

Nights like this I burn! Yerning for the arms of whom was meant for me! And to think I wanted nothing like this...you know...nights like this, to mope like this, to cry like this...to miss like this. I want that kiss! And tell me this! How long will this bliss exsit?

If you were here!

Today would be the perfect day to die …in your arms!!

Knit snuggly around me, warm and tight, staring into your eyes as I take my last breathes….consciously!

Before I sail away, to deep sleep, only to dream of “If you were here”

I’d take your hands, and walk you through my garden of trees, leaves and singing bees

A day to last forever from its dawn

The Sweetest flower, I would pick to match your sweet hair

Better yet, a crown I would weave for your head!

For only my Queen would walk in my Garden of dreams.

As day goes on, I’d shower you with kisses, close to a gentle stream

I’d lay with you beside the banks, to be serenaded by the waters’ deep melody!

“My queen, if only you were here!”

If you were here, we’d eat of loves bread and drink of passions wine

Eat fruits of trust and prosperity only to be fed and fed again of new love

Fresh love! LOVE EVERLASTING!

As night closes in, I’d clothe you in the moon’s light, glittered with the stars

Powdered with the silky clouds,

Your dress though black as night, hugs and bends with your every step and curve.

“Perfect! My queen…I wish you’d draw near!!”

Come closer to me,

As we dance in our loves’ moonlight

Full and bright

Ahh!! Such a shadow less night of doubts and fears and mistrust

The surest of night’s, the brightest of lights in this moon!!

Our moon of love.

Your eyes caught mine in a whispering glance for love to be shared!!

Our love peaks!

As the moon stands bright, alight on top of the world

Right over our once separate bodies, now waxed together.

Heat of pleasure, gripped as firm as foundations cast.

“My queen, don’t leave me here!”

As grass as lush and soft as sheets

We lay, we lay! Eyes pasted on our common friend

That moon! That moon! it causes a lot! It serves a constant reminder

“Oh how we love that ‘spot”

But as wind glides across our bodies, I feel the cold of night,

I wake and look across just to know, my queen is out of sight!!

I wake again to realize I’m not within your arms.

I roll around, I turn and twist to scurry to my pane

Only to sigh and reminisce of that moon light again!

“I want you my Queen, I miss you so! If only you can see…

The moments we share, as time draws near…

If only you were here with me!!”

Near end

In sinking softness, as "she" would say; distant words & sound play light praises to my eardrum

Chorused melodies! mixed with tears of joy, lift the heavy doldrums of decades past
"A new day! one with bright promise and unity...a new day has birthed!...all mankind must realize join hands to step even closer to global peace!"

Never have i seen the entire world hold it's breath to behold the result of some!

"Little have i seen!" as history writes itself in present pages, never to be forgotten for another trillion years, as "shades" have been melted to be made equal to marrow, bone & flesh!

"Funny isn't it!" we've wished, hoped and prayed for such a day. Some thought that it would've never been in this life time! but indeed..."the revolution has been televised!"

Call me 'skeptic'! but i for one, won't give in yet! at least not till the fat lady sings...for something is not right in my core!

I know i will be one from many with this opinion, but remember i said; "the stage is set, the lights have dimmed...it's drawing near...can't you hear!...the end is drawing near!!

Flash

click!
it ran past again!...the thought of you kissing on "me"!
click! click!
wilder, hotter this time! the flash of past, hmmm the past! that seems to come to corrupt the present!

move closer! touch longer! hold tighter...
Webbed embraced, lingering smacks...roaming hands! Click! Click!...

from wrong to right to wrong to right to wrong to hell no! flash past....flash gone, temporarily blinded eyes! but photographic memory, restores and recalls past "images"

tight knit lips, to tumbling hands...moves now to knotted legs, holding firm a "second guess!"

wrong! right!..no wrong...right!.....THIS is WRONG!...can't be done...shouldn't be done!
but it feels sooooooooo gooooooooooood...

Click! Click! Boom!!!
you wouldn't believe what flashed!!.... it's the reason why....that's right
it's more like; "he stands, flowing his words in the waiting, enticed ears of them! gives warning to a segment of this "recital"

proceeds to call her to stage!..."Oh My God!" it's her!...the one that caught my eye! the one that threw her eyes too.

quietly standing in the dimmest of light...he proceeds to flow, and animate words, stroking the minds' canvas, causing steam to build! he takes two steps! and ...."flashes" the crowd with his present....a rich kiss shared!! causing forgetfulness to take command!!

My oh my!...what pictures of fond memories, now mixed with my misery of another "sista"

H.I.M V3

Upon reaching my hoped destiny, I'm not sure i want to keep this state!

Once gasping for "unpopular air" that of shades, corners & back benches. My lungs fail me! breathing rapidly, and short, I'm dazed by my uncanny impressions, most of which are unintentional.

I've acquired version 3

I'm now likely to not appear or even care about the "front line" but with every action, there is an equal "reaction"

Now retired from the "game", it seems as though, those on the "side line" had their own thing going on....obviously not aware to that, i set my "single" sail, only to be carried into a world of rustling winds and thirsty seas.

All sorts of "bottled messages" bump my ship, in attempt to cling to my nets!

Surely the time and vessel has past!

H.I.M vessel 2...LONG GONE!!!

Behold H.I.M vessel 3 is alive, well & not wanting your "unnecessary" baggage.

28/06/07

Barred! only to cringe at the sight of freedom!
i walk the plank for no one but myself, stepping each time closer to an unfailing destiny.

"why watch me wonder?" once in your grasp, I've rolled, in and out, up & down round & round in your arms...never once drawing near to be recognized!

"I've moved" to distant land, connected only by thin strings and strokes of keys.
Although gone far, scents & glimpses of tomorrow, march the isles of your heart!

"I've returned!" my feet on solid ground that we both share; but not ours
Neither of us can bear the burden of forgetting! more you than me, for i was washed by waters of uncertainty, dried by rumor & doubt.

"How was i to know?" that each step away, each trodden path of ignorance, armed a spear, destined to thrust through and through your secrets.

Concealed admiration, Hidden love, secret passion; all keys to your current demise

Now prisoner to your own lust, lashed and bruised by procrastination, locked in! by tainted windows of your own blood, tinted by a dim view of hope.

"I emerge!" baring gift of friendship and other possibilities...
"what will be your cry this time?" for i may carry no fruits of forgiveness...i doubt i'll blossom compassion, AGAIN! will not be an option"

Bare! the burden of exhile, exposed you to the punishing winds of unmentioned love!

Speak

Now back from whence i came,
to lines & strokes, pink vertically; blue horizontally

I roll my thoughts, in curves, lines, dots & shapes
to paint another masterpiece.

Glancing slightly, left to right; my "minds eye" now focused
Deeply measuring thoughts, feelings & atmosphere to recreate my current emotion

Surrounded by tall, distant shadows, air of wonder and the smell of life
my piece takes shape, slowly but surely.

Coloured with greatness, shaded with patience, lined with gratitude
"Almost done!" i think to myself

The once empty canvas, now filled by sentences to paragraphs "yet another page!"

Scribbled & scratched only to rest in my life's' history, only to be revealed in the light of your listening ear

"Hear me!, hear me loud!, hear me clear! for i have spoken for years without audience!
Now let my thoughts be yours!

The thoughts of the unheard man!"

If you only knew!

"If only you knew", the days on end i'd listen to your voice again and again...only to be satisfied by the tones of your "I love you's"

"If only you knew" how much i appreciate you, finding ways to express my happiness of you in my life!

"If only you knew" the nights i'm sad and blue, not being able to lye beside you, wanting to touch and caress you, wanting to hold and squeeze you, needing that tender kiss of bliss, in cords of togetherness!

To be there in person to attend to all your hurtins', in despair, i'd show care, when not above, i'd show love, when fallen i'd pick you up and hold you high, making sure you'd always know...what the sky is like!

If only you knew, how much i don't wanna loose you, how much i wanna make you and only you my boo! that there's no one else in my mind that can make me shine the way you do!

If only you knew!...but what if you never did!?

If you never did, would i be like a kid, thinking and crushing and giggling alot, but! as my heart sores, behind closed doors, i'd be hurting, and cringing and bleedin' alot...never knowing, with my hearts showing, what love is! what your love is!?

But now that you know, my heart's on the show! standing not hiding from the spotlight of your glow...To your heart be true, now what are you gonna do!? now that you know that "I LOVE YOU!"

In the "race"

"Seated among thorns", a minority constantly shrinking...is served the cold, bloody drink of hate.
Even the young, has now become swallowed in the thirst of cruelty!

A masquerade of "happiness & togetherness" now shattered by blunt spears of the real truth!

No longer..."i hate you!, you make me sick!" no no...the spears of hate now sharper..."You're good to me!, i like your company" deception rains a thunder...

Feelings mixed, as to what this is, as the innocent walk the street of clarity...not infiltrated by tainted needles of "disgust, hatred & separation"

What are the neutrals to do? Sing now! Martyrs of "togetherness"

The man that walketh not in the footsteps of his fathers' past of colour, straight hair & retribution to the "others", is a wise man?

The woman, that hideth not her feelings for the "other" that she loves, runneth not away to jeopardize all life & inheritance from family riches, is a wise woman?

Such are all now, colourized & categorized to suit one's needs...all villagers of the "pissed on" world, running the relay of "Hold ya own! see an "other", use the "other", don't be the "other" kill the "other", don't let the "other" in!

Masks all painted with the blood of ol "heritage and history"...every man to his own!...You walk in my way, i break your bones!...

Yeah...the happy world! plastic smiles, hinged on suspicion, and uncalled defense! teeth of venom, guised as kindness!!!

We've all played a part in this modern circus, where admission is paid only by colour...and ranked by Upper, middle and lower...

Who made this? why the fuss? yes we've all got history, that doesn't mean we should make ourselves pages of our own! in this war against "skin"

Daily we tear the foundations of the world, only to build another world that can't stand on it's own...a world of hate, greed, & gnashing of teeth.

Daily...little survive the test of "tone" our young eat the flesh of malice, thought the trade of fury & graduate "Kings" of their own bloody world!

One with no vision, one with no class!, just the draconian hand of rule!

Slowly, we draw nigh to end of all ends, and the judgement to the generations responsible for the planted seeds of discord!!!

signed: proud!, but wise nigga!

"Who would take care of the garden?"

In the presence of senseless killings and world turning events, i remark to one question, "who's going to take care of the garden?"

Daily toil is honored by scratching dogs of mischief! in a 10 x 7.5 patch of earth, bordered by concrete and a wooden fence.

A garden! play field or should i say office of my aged grandfather.

The green thumb, would rise to his call at 6am, marching straight to his glory, only to be welcomed by holes from soiled dog paws! (the ritual begins) "Who been in my plants, who de rass been in my plants...? Is you?" pointing to one of the 5 shivering K-9's, "Oh!, nobody ain't know!?, voice aloud to the entire neighbourhood, "alright! we gon see is who!" He marched towards the broom leaded to the side of the step, by now all dogs are on their guard, for they all know what's to come...need i say more!

I'd watch from afar, when i'm awake at those God forsaken hours! the care & tenderness each plant is given! the time & precision, positioning & finesse...all contributors to the perfect growth of the patient.

"Who would take care of this garden!?" i often ask, "when this man is gone, who would have the time to take care of them!" His jewels, his children, the very plants that almost took his life...he continues to give of his time, blood, sweat, tears and not forgetting scoldings.

With each clip of the shears, with each turn of the soil, it's almost as though he's one with the plants...he'd praise them in sunlight, he'd curse them if withering, but he was doin' all this in love!

Off from the plants, into his newspaper, for hours this man would read and read and read...then the converstions beings...

Like an oracle, he'd recollect what he said would happen, "Man, it's almost as though these people know what i asking...is de same thing i said would happen!" his remarks everytime...

His words would never fall to the ground with out being fulfilled! NEVER! in his terms...but what can i say...the man has his right to his own opinion!

When done with babblings and cursing of the writers and editor of media, he'd revert to his haven...yes the garden, his treasured garden!!...

To the world where he is king, and his subjects won't ask him anything!...he'd pronouce life where life i seen, and death were needed.

"Who would take care of this garden!?"

Age tells the tale of moons past, suns countdown to the final "alas"
Where would the wisdom spring in his left generation?, when gone to peace and tranqulity? the question that haunts my mind!...
But his ghost would serve as a constant reminder, that no one took the time to heed his call, no one took the time to observe his tradition..."Who would take care of the garden?"

A question not only for me, but for you as well...think about it!

"Who...oh who would take care of the garden?"

Cloud dream

Sailing...
traffic of the sky, ruler to no bird

Soaring sleep, floating on the highest sky, feeling charmed and delighted.

Dimmed lids, to only reveal the thoughts of gratitude! To know, "yea, another night, shared with on that dame" feeling fuzzy, feelin' fine!

The best wine, "untouched" dipped in the sweetest of "combs"...that fine "honey comb" didn't want it to end...

Dreaming days, and awaken nights, touch...fingernails, and sent emails...touch...yellow faces, and white window spaces, all cramped in hours of drifting, sleepy, sure thoughts...

Sailing...high...sailing...fly...cloud nine!?...nah higher than!
"Got no measure for this pleasure"...it's warm, comforting, and sweet...

WOW! this cloud!, can be any others' cloud, but it sails...with me...and for me to see, that it's "high time, to fly high, with me!"

Dimmed lids, sighs satisfaction, folded arms of enjoyment, and crossed legs of relaxation...
"I'm sailing, man! sailing to no return! On my honey cloud!"

How do i love, my love

How do i love, my love

a floating stone, is sure to fall beneath the sea, but my love grows "unimaginatively" but...
"How do i love, my love?"

Sparks wondrous splendor, bubbly 143's, and flowers & bee's! but no...no..."closeness", far intimacy...only mental bridges...
"How do i love, my love?"

Falling petals of wait, blossoms of passionate kisses, all in a bouquet of "care"
stems of long winded whispers, roots of hours of conversation and relation... yet i still ask...
"How do i love, my love?"

Like a shadow, bound as one, but can never exist without light..."loves light" Our love can only grow in it's light...loves light...
Yet, "now do i love?, my love?"

Build up!

It's days like these...
i bare my soul, i forget my thoughts and run from reality

My "ins" go neutral, my "outs" go blank
Surrendered now to the toss of the winds

Failings hold not the agony of defeat! Success blossoms only in drastic, sacrificial weather.
Father time laughs, at unprepared foundations, for tall towers of dreams, when the storm of patience & maturity draws nigh.

Like rain...
droplets of power, fall only at the saturation of carriers,
Timing
Atmosphere
Positioning
Accuracy

Parameters of parades of wishes, bounders for soldiers of destiny

"I shut the door to denial" i consume the pain of rebellion, only to crush insolent mortals
"Mark me now!, I've broken your mental chains, i'm yet another over comer!"

Lethal darts deemed friends, piercing spares called family, all collate to bring you through the "shining"

"Why read a line never written? Is my simplicity that complex? Or does our seeming "parting" result from your historical adversities!

"Behold! Your own skeletons shall devour you! My constant hand WILL cause your inevitable eruption of folly!"

Midas touch

For want of gain and happiness! i cling to those i deem dear and true to me, those i admire and see bright futures in...

But as the old saying goes "All that glitters, is not gold!"

I reach to touch the flesh and lives i may, only to freeze time of soul, of want and of wish!

Some statues of pride, others gargoyles of shame!

For want of closeness, and shared delight, i embrace the fibers of "solitude" and paradoxical dreams of togetherness...

Now...i must decide...whom i may touch! whom i may desire! whom i may consume!

Armless hugs, hold captive many searching hearts, Gold tipped fingers, stand high to those that walk in darkness, but they hold not their heads high!, for yet another has stepped "eyes wide" into the museum of palpitating hearts, yet frozen want.

With the wave of my thoughts, i lay wait for the ones i desire, send back the ones I've used, and spoil the ones i love.

"Unintentional destruction" to trespassing kingdoms, Queens of Game & folly, jokers all a wild, dance madly to my intoxicating tune.

Subliminal messages of "unwant" play loudly in the ear of the sure...while the lesser beings, draw closer & faster to their demise.

"Eventful" statues, "subtle" statues, and the openly "plain" statues...all displayed in my crowned, prized possession..."my hand"..."my touch."

For the want of love, i walk the aisle of the past, to make present my soul, in the auditorium of worlds. Worlds gone, Worlds present, and Worlds to come!

"I feel the walls closing in" in royal robes and jewel studded fingers, i sense the end of all...for i have touched something, that has changed again my life and pride...

For the sake of forever, i wash my hand in the "Pactolus river" wishing the day i can undo my miseries...opening the door for rivers of softness.

No longer am i playing the tune of deceit, but now the melody of honest has caused a feast of all festivals... the world of rushing closure and unwant! the season for one is near!

My golden world is depleting, all sucked by the core of greed...taken over now by the ultimate of transparency & selflessness, building towards a bright future with no queen by my side.

Still in search of the "ideal", but much too scared to look deeper...

I admit, i have touched a few in my time, to all hold as prized trophies, but i've since hung my "midas hands" only awaiting the touch from my destined midas!

Eileen...

Another name for patience, beauty and class...

I miss her so as my days grow, i often think of what she would tell me now, as i operate through my days...

From birth, the first grandson, to much i was spoiled... the proud, flouncing & bouncing Eileen Forde, down the road with her spanking new grand boy child

She rode with me for hours i was told, stopping from house to house so they can behold!

Eileen, is Gran-ma, affectionately known...the woman that was there for me, where ever i go...

In boyhood days, she made sure i was ready for life, always making sure i have everything, giving me of her last, of her time, of her energies..."That's my bones!" she used to say. Encouraging me to make her proud, in everything that i did and say...

She took me to church, she dressed me for school, she fed me and fed me, trying to put meat on my flesh!..."Come drink this porridge boy, all de try i trying wid yuh! you still ain't puttin on a pound!"

Oh...how i missed those days, i'd come home from school, only to run straight to the kitchen, where i would have left Gran-ma from since early in the morning...it was scented with the aura of "goodies" plantain chips, mettai, buns...the whole works!...

"come boy, come help me wash up de wares!..." those words, i'd always remember, cause you had to know how to wash if you liked to eat!!

Eileen...a humble woman, simple in nature, very quiet in character...but don't get she vex...she would have your head...

Married to one man, treated him like a king, even when he didn't deserve rats' shit and all...patient woman, loving woman...the kind of woman that any man would want...ohh how i loved her so...

As my days went on, i started working...she sat me down and said..."boy your working now, you getting money, i want you to save...even if you got to give me to keep it for you...save ya money!" With her pointer finger in the air...and eyes over her spectacles..."and don't forget to give you mother and your father money...you would see your way in life!"

Words of wisdom, they would always flow from her undying fountain...

All mornings, i would awake to the sound of her righteous singing...such a lovely voice, although old an cracking, she would still give praise to almighty God, as she wobbled and clapped to her tunes...deep in her bible her nose would be, for an hour at least...then into her place of work..."the kitchen"

But Gran-ma knew to herself she was getting old, days would meet her in her bed very cold! age stepped in and sickness too...but what was Ol' Eileen to do!? Just the same! what she would do every morning...wake to sing her praise, bathe, dress and off to the kitchen...it was the thing that kept her alive!...

"Come boy, i getting ol' come cut up these things for meh!" she would always call me to the kitchen, to teach me to cook...especially when curry and roti was invovled..."if it was that fat one, he woulda got me talking and sendin up my pressure...nothing like you bones...nothing like you!...remarking to my lil brother, and grinning at her call name for me!

My watcher, my sister, my friend...i could tell Gran-ma anything...she would always understand me!...even when my own parents couldn't...Gran-ma was there for me!...In my time of need, in my time of gladness, in the times i was down, in the times i hadn't anybody to turn to...Eileen Forde was the constant in my life...she gave me balance...she gave me strength...she gave me advise, and she gave me praise where praise was due.

To watch my granny sick, was to take away my lungs and tell me to breathe...i couldn't stand to she her earthly body wither away...

I dealt with it all the wrong way, i wouldn't go to see her, although she was home...i would stay out of the house for late hours, when i know she would be asleep...or so i thought...i'd wake early in the morning and fly out of the house...

"Ya-pet!" she used to call my name; "what happen? i don't see you anymore!...we don't talk like we used to? what is going on?"...i looked her straight in the eye, to see the questions on her face, and the hurt in her heart...for she has missed her grandson so much...i had made it no easier on her, by running away and grieving about her sickness...she needed me, and i was no where to be found!

Days before i leave the land of many waters, to try the islands for work...i talked to her, telling her about the job offer, telling her what it would be like, telling her about the many things that i can do with the money...and how i would make her proud!

She counciled me, giving me mind etching advise, giving me the keys to open any door in this life..."Remember God" she said, "You see how he has raised you up!...and how you have grown!...i'm proud of you boy...you mek me heart glad, i don't know how long i would be around, but i want to see you walk down de aisle...and i want to see my first great grand...in wedlock!..."

We laughed at the whole thing that night, as we caught up on conversations that had been long missed...i gave her the regular kiss on the cheek, said my "I Love You's" and went to bed...

3 days after, my Gran-ma left...absent from the body...present with the LORD...

Life hasn't quite been the same...

I miss her so much...

"Wey daddy deh!?"

De jail dem full! senseless, mindless, influenced, men! dem a gwan a road, dem a run fu theif! dem geh catch...and deh ass lock up with no key!

Presuah bawl, from cracked walls, broken floor boards, and web hangin windows...

"Wey daddy deh?"

Thoughts from a small youth, 5yrs old, attached to the hip of his mother, other... a 2yr old brother, "on the way...if you may, the "unborn" with decisions on whether it should "come" or "stay"

De youth a try fu hustle...geh a dolla or 3, because mammy nah know wha else fuh do... council a come fuh break down de "koo-koo"

Youth used to see daddy tek thig dat wasn't he own, and go unda clock fu sell...stand up lil bit and come back with brand new money smell... But a day he go, and never return..."is wha happen deh" youth thought to himself..."is wey daddy gone"

Like 3 doors away, across de road, de same question ah ask, when a gyal pikaney notice she period pass...how much man don eat from de grass..lawd..another life gon to loss

"is wey daddy deh?"

Homes bruck up, society at fault, thing ain't goin nice! cause everything a gon worse since gas price a shoot up like fyah rass...

But even before de tumoil and stress, "daddies" today..weren't doin their best...hear nah...

Man a walk a road, see i thing he could afford...tek a nik, real quik...next thing you know, de man get sick!

If you think i don, de man had a son!...born from a woman that would mek bad name run!...he seh "he sick", she seh "from what", he seh "man, i think i must me hard hit de rum spot"

"Come lye down and tek you rest, i gon tek care ah yuh...don't stress"...

Lie he tell, fu cover de worse, few mournings after...he dead ass in a hearse!

Mammy alone fu carry de strain, but not only that...but all de bad name...
lil son a grow, with water in he eye, as mommy strive to geh thing to buy...

Many a household can relate to dis, some not exact, but you get the drift...
Daddy walk in, daddy walk out...thing a gwan in dis country, dem nah ting fuh shout about...

Country gon mad! de devil real glad...cause fathers not there for what's there to be had...

Mommy a call all de shots, cause family bruck up, daddy nah deh pun spot...children a grow one sided like...acting out in pain and agony alike...

If fathers were around, they'd bring satbility to families now that live in poverty...for the ones that are there...keep the good faith, cause many are lost, and now it's too late...

As for the shaking one's, Don't play with me!...cause i would have to shoot you or ya son for tryin to theif meh money!...

"Wey daddy deh?" is a societal disease!...Men put a stop to this ignorance PLEASE!!!

Black Rose

She smiles, i smile

She walks, no she glides softly by me, changing night into day

She opens her mouth to speak, and so sounds ring in my head she speaks...

And i want to dance to her rhythm, she moves ever so gently, increasing my desires

Desires to place my arms around her waist, and hold and squeeze into me...

I want to melt into her body, and discover the base of her warmth

Her beautiful, black body, that no human mind can ever condescend

She's love, she's truth, she's real

AS real as the stars that shine in the heavens,

as real as the sun that bathes her body

as real as the moon that glows, and the birds that sing, and the rose that blossoms in spring

for she is that rose, and not just any rose...but a Black Rose...

A Black rose, that stands taller and stronger than any other plant

A black rose, that stands as creator of nations

A black rose, that never loses her petals and blossoms all year round

Black Rose!, sweet rose!, thornless Rose!, eternal Rose

Please look my way, please look my way, please look my way

Black Rose.

Signed: copy cat, wishing it were my creation

Too soon/just in time!?

Knitted brows, with questions of "what am i thinking?"

Even with no strings attached, my heart always finds path to another, with no ticket, departure tax, or luggage...

Conversations turn eulogies, to longing attitudes of connection, found features, unseen thoughts...like shadows in the black moonlight

My lips were formed to say the words...but knitted brows formed, questions gather, uncertainty settles...

The 3 words "..." (i told you to remember the dots)

Distant feelings, another chapter, a fresh page...my pen, my thoughts, stroke ever so gently on grains of compacted indulgence, favored sayings and "honey kisses"

The 3 words "..." formed in my mouth, to whisper in meaningful air, as the scent of myrrh...drawn by nostrils of desiring hubs...

Essence of catacombs of deep, rich, eternal ecstasy...fall not!...wither not...sweet rose, black rose...

Standing stronger and taller than all other roses!...eyes of acceptance have fallen upon you!...mind of concrete, has cracked in consideration...what is this storm of feelings that spreads a whirlwind of ever blowing..."assured happiness"

"Too soon/ just in time?"

Hence i know not the season, therefore i hover on waters of caution...

signed: sailor in paradise

Pink pair

Standing before you, tall, dark, anxious...hanging hands, damp...with the sweat of infatuation. Set eyes... on the prize of patience, sweetened lips quivering with enthusiasm!

"Close your eyes" i ask, as i step closer to you...

"Hanging" now wrapped around a waist and a neck, once damp hands, rub against the silky skin, betwixt the long flowing hair that dances with it...eyes closer, focused, as though tagged to the tunnel of wild imaginations, feelings and progressive wants...

Heavy breathing, hearts racing, dimmed eyes, and locked minds...on what's to come

Forces of desperation, as one meets the other half way..."we meet; paired... pink paired!"

Realization of the present, send chills up my spine, sends touches to my mind, sends...blood to the once "soft" places...

Linking tongues, smacking lips, immense head & hands and body movements, as we slide to no tomorrow..."we pair...we pink paired"

Much like two peas in a pod, like ding and dong, like good & bad, like happy & sad, like "i must be going mad, in this softness...this tender kiss...this bliss, that i missed, that can have an eternal name on my list..."as we paired, we pink paired!"

Now i'm getting warmer, drawing closer to the rooms corner...dark...moon bright...shuffling feet, each to fight to wonder in this humid night...that is about to get HOT!

Cornered! she ceased, as i was about to unleash the beast, slowly getting familiar with my nights feast...

Boiled to my hottest...this black Goddess grabs me!

Reactions of fear, but she now doesn't care of the slashes and tears of my long swipes & stares!

Now from the corner, we move to the bed, aggressively moving while holding her head...clothes off, legs apart..."what you think happened"...we went right back to the start!!

Kissing and "kissing" and "kissing!" again...kissing and pairing...like there's no end...

Moans and groans & stretching on sheets..."what is in the world is causing this heat"

From fast, to slow, "to hell & go"...after hours, this race horse ran slow! Excitement once enjoyed as passions grew faster, now lulled by the "sphere" of satisfaction & laughter.

We both grew chilled, as wet bodies cooled, lying we realized "clitorah's pool"...in tight embrace we kissed again...lovingly, childishly, like friends of "10"

The only thing that could've brought us here, was us wishing and wanting "the first pink pair"

Nerve strings

Combined crazy, consuming & overwhelming unmastered thoughts of wild, reckless, & unseeming feelings. Caused by the "unassuming" rays of sunlight in the darkness of passions' night.

Care, fear & love clash...all in a bundle of nervousness, and freaked thoughts of reluctance!

Wild eyes, cold feet & ears...frozen stiff in the stare of "nothingness" wind of question hitting the core of uncertainty...even with the wing of whisper, bending thoughts of movement stir, once & far; in mind a blur...

'Wind of question' turns again, this time blowing gently to the root of consciousness, asking only for response in favor...

Why so hard!? why so mystic!? why so distant!? all but a mere inch away from freedom...

Deeper & deeper i feel your fall, your fall into a world even more unknown...no help!...no net can grasp!

"I feel like i've placed you in a vacuum... as though i've made you into a toy!?"

Scared feelings, static waves, censored pauses...all more blunders of what!?...

Fogged room, loud music, staggering people..."distractions" wind of question blows yet again...reminding of its' eternal journey to find "you"

Mind cells grinds, as night grows older...fidget...fragit...false...wonder...turnings...opportunity lost! once again...wind of question blows...

"Draw close!" passion psyched, tight knit hands hold ghost of soul and reality, unfrozen thoughts, yet reserved movements, kill spirit of thinking?

Free yourself of thoughts unknown...yet stay prisoner of things to be!? rather...clench yourself to wanting wants...that may never exists!...

How mad is the world of love, my passion, my fling, my toy!? No!...my need, my inspiration, my constant!!!

Stares of nothingness, give birth to more questions of things to come! if they will come, if they will turn out to be what they can!...

Should i join the race, or rather end it with the frozen soul i hold in my hand!? or should i allow even more winds to thaw the chilly spine of unsurity...

I'll opt for the latter...

Kiss of bliss, fail thee not, for yet cometh a time for celebration, brought by your undying patience...

signed: unrealistic puppeteer

Women Thoughts

Like a blank page...a woman is the constant reflection of what you (the male) are, many a time, that reflection reveals a hideous side of you, that you thought never existed...until a woman came into your life!

Because of their variety, which often lends as the "prob-u-la" (problem source) it is harder for men to understand what they think, and even easier for them to lie about what they're thinking as well...the true "deceptors" of the land!

Ever since the Genesis, women have had men wrapped around their fingers, as they say..."not intentionally" but they were designed to weaken any flesh, at least after the second birthing of mankind...

"Ever thought of what Eve looked like"...the first woman! God himself crafted her!... with his bare hands!...PERFECT!!!...WOW! that must have been a bombshell...but that just goes to show...once thwarted! can cause havoc...even in the simplest, purest way...

So...you ask me, "What are my thoughts on women"...here it goes...
although loving, caring, motherly...supporter, help meet...and all the fancy, and flowery things about them...they are mind controllers!...some don't even know their own strength!...some have a very good handle on it, and use it well, to the best of their abilities!...

They are "grudge holders" an elephant never forgets! the old saying goes...they should change that...a woman always remembers...no matter how many times you've said your sorry...they have a special part in their mind, just to harbor past hurts!..and they ALWAYS! expect it to happen again!

They are "attention demanders"...even when your not obligated to give them it, they demand it with they hair, face, hips, tits, and sweet lips!...they are never to be ignored...the worst kinds are the deprived...they subtly whine their way into your skin...like music! it hits you and you feel no pain!

They are "master minds"...never, ever, ever, underestimate a woman...she gets what she wants, even if she has to screw it out of you!...geniuses of plots and schemes either to build or to demolish...a woman is always in control...

They are "body linguists" fluent in "bending and twisting" they bodies, saying everything they need to say and the getting the required results..."emotionless eyes, floating lips, useless sighs, and the all time great...the relentless stare..." MASTERS I TELL YOU!...MASTERS...not a word uttered, but once given to any man...get's the message loud and clear...and they in turn quite calmly, laugh at the lured prey!...

WOMEN ARE WOMEN!!... often glorifed! seldom degraded...the causers of "the game" i believe...exteremely cunning beings...a specie not to be messed with!!

From the other half of the playing feild...are the masters of disguise "MEN" from player to PIMP to MAC..men have some game i must admit...but women...that's a whole other story by itself.

I do love women no doubt, but man oh man...the drama you have if you don't "RTFM" for them...

signed: careful male in the female playfield

Constant

I've lived...i've loved...but to my wonder i've never realize that life "in mine" has it's reoccurring decimals...

likely to the nailing of a wall...i'm patterned with holes and loops of reminders of what i had, have and can have...but im nearly not as wanting, as i am needing the holes to be filled...

Light beams through, burning the insides of many a hole, but cannot be hid by it's ray...instead shows the damage made from reckless hitting and wanting and feeling and guessing....and most of all failing...!!

Constant pillar...lend your wisdom and strength to a weaken beam...broken and marred by conscience lifting.

Peel your steadiness to the level of my eye and show the way of "oneness" and stability along with certain growth and uncertain shaking....

Stand taller than all others! Unveil your truth and promise, cause others to crack, swizzle and fall to your power...just because of your unshaken "constant"

Show me your face, for too many have hailed in you attributes, for i have found the time for resistance has ended, yet i've not released my first intention, or first step towards my solid ground.

"Constant real"...i await your firm stroke of correction and guidance towards our unending harmony...i lust for thee...hence i pray thee well...my hands tired of dust of impostors, that stain and jeopardize my allegiance to the very want i need!!!.....

Thirsty for your eyes, craving your speech...embrace me soon...i feel the slipping of belief that you exist!!...

signed: dwindling trailblazer

Crimson Tears

Uncried tears, falls harder than twin towers ever could. Unspoken words, shout louder than atom bombs ever could!...But Crimson tears...are the curse brought to self!

Untouched skin for months on end, bare scars of emotional disconnection..."cut!, slash! severe dash!...loose, blistered, tentacles of feeling and unsatisfaction lurk, aimlessly in avenues of darkness...seeking the very semblance of love and security.

A whim of uncharted ground seeked by a somewhat "secure" spirit in the fog of lost love; like a sixth sense...my will is grabbed willingly by the kaput vessel of passion...

Unknowing of any betrayal, i'm lured to the tunnel of unconditional love and showered by gifts of apprehensive commitment.

Sale of my friendship, equates to the dear price of Crimson tears...now the unraveling of my soul, if still continues to go unguided...will see the crucifixion of my innocent soul.

Caught in the whirlwind of desire, sent to the rescue of the emotionless, my own heart now grows cold, for i have conceived an unwanted seed to my "erotica"...

Camouflaged parasites, slowly eat away from the flowery relation of "broken & innocent"
To sever, is to commit suicide, but will birth a new livelihood of platonic relation in the other world of want...

"Far fetched...far gone...too deep to even know what air smells like" Drop one!! the hardest hit i've ever gotten by the softest, wettest tear...

Light pink, with mixes of the warmth of fantasy & the salt of poison...Crimson tears...you ought to beware...once fallen, stains and smells of ownership..."Lost, yet can be saved, but must give up! Birthright! Self & want....future and hope, to live another day less of smears of jealousy and contention!

Must i say...i'm victim of my own softness...now breathing the stench of my own...
"Crimson pool....."

signed: young wise fool, of unordered want.

Divination to past!

Visions of past, glanced and streamed...like rain drops to remind the petals of tenders flowers "one more day to grow even more lovely" such are my thoughts to haunt me of a future i thought has long past!

To lean to madness! just the thought of the thought grinds me to dust!...is it real!? must it come to past? or am i just jealous of the further existence of 'its' soul!?

With tightened fist, and air tight eyes, i fight the thought of the thought of the "past" that may lead to a "past" that i thought had "passed!"....get my drift...

I have surrendered my heart to the wind of folly before, but i have since captured it, to nurture it to trust, love & truth...it is still held, by my chest of unwillingness and fear! Like a grandmother releasing her first born grandchild to take that first step; anticipation & anxiety all in a bundle, just not to see anything happen to him...likewise i cherish my heart more and more...so much! that i have to learn the art of letting go...

This past that blows to haunt, come to change & create strife...but "if" it is destined to be! it shall!...and "time is the patient tester of all transformation..."i hope i pass the test of flames for passion!" because i risk the loss of an entire eternity because of pride & ego...

signed: mass scared by the constant past!

Muddy Kiss

Long the road to end a distant night,

Tense the atmosphere of dim lit sight

Shared by others the foggy mist, wondereth the mind for a good night kiss

Crossed the bridge from tarmac to wood; pushed the thought as much as he could

"thought through...planned...wasn't even the case, calls of "i want to go home" filled the air and space

Stuck now, more than words, my mischievous hands afloat; wondering how!, when! and where! you're going to do this!...you goat!

Having feelings that my madness is shared, as a hole is dug & a "roller" is stuck in gear...
I froze and didn't know what to do; but "I" after a while, i joined the gear pushers too...!

Now out of the "first" hole; that mission complete, i walk towards my next gigantic feat

Giddy eyes and mud ridden shoes, i stepped towards the bridge assured no "blues"
Damped lips and chilly teeth...from the glass that calmed my hand; "i made a promise! i thought to myself" but really...who gives a damn!!

i stretch and stretched and stretched some more! in playful and friendly bliss, i couldn't stretch any further, for after all we kissed!

We feel the pull and tug of lips; "how could this not start! why should it even end like this!?"

Then we glide away both staring deep; "hmm...wow...goodnight!" said the sheep!

Almost like a spirit i glide away...thinking heavily for the "next" day!

"I fought it for long!" i cannot lie, to its too much to see that honey cry!

Who would've thought a night like this, would of lead us straight to a "Muddy Kiss!"



signed by: one unsatisfied customer! longer is better!

My "tro-wiz-iks"

"Where are you!?" curious questioning of a wondering mind..."I'm in town! heading to the cafe" swift response from the affectionate character...

"Can i meet you there!? i just came from there but i can come back..."with slight chuckles and self grins in between said "W mind"... "No probs...i'll be here" not exact words of the "A character" but close enough for you to get the point...

Words set in motion...restless thoughts, AGAIN! causing the roll & turn of hormones, YET AGAIN! i must reiterate....

Met...walk...climb...open...sit! Seconds melt to minutes, minutes melt to hours...hours melt to silence!? 2 added by 1...then added by a bigger "1" then added by .2!? "How did all this happen!?

I'm sure it's the question, jigging on your tongue! it'll be answered, but it's driven by 4 red wheels...and 4 question marked minds.

stand...walk...open...walk...walk...open...sit! options unable to be chosen, but more or less fixed for the "turn of events!

Now 6, inclusive of "W mind" & "A character" are joint by the magnificent 7th...( you may miss this...but remember carefully)

Ladies & gentlemen...the "relay" is about to begin...
The story goes..."W mind" is the star of the hours...trekking from one "check point" to the next...constantly making pit stops at most relevant points, but with this tiring marathon...it finally ended at the gathering of culture!...then is when my friends, i thought i had out ran my race!..."A" went her preference with .1 of .2..."W" was stuck in a rather "sticky" situation because the other (.)(point) and big "1" had to be rotated for the sake of "7th" (think you follow!, this is extremely coded...bare with me!) 7th was not supposed to be at that position in the first place! rather 7th was 1st...but things got kinda mixed up...anyway..."W" had his work cut out!

Some way or the other "W" crashed and hadn't a clue as to what to do!...so everything that played out...played on it's own...no influence whatsoever by "W" PERIOD!!!

Dealing with women...tempers flare, sarcastic statements are made...and alternatively everything goes to a speedy lull...

The night come to a close...7th left.... .1 of .2 disappears, big "1" and other (.) were shocked!...and "A" i 'thought' gave up!

Suddenly, like a wind of release, "A" gets ron-c1! or was it "W"!? in this case order doesn't matter...(lol) pinches..and smacks...and tempting slaps...of jelly soft flesh... guided the letters out of misery...forgetting all numbers and points that ever existed....


(needed to blurt this...i myself may barely understand when i revisit it...but i'm sure if your adventurous enough you may be able to crack the "Ya-vinci" code)

Signed: retired player!!!for sure!!

10 points of sheer splendor!

Scenario:
Dim lit "bachy" room with just enough room to turn around at slow pace; 1 peice of a TV, 1 half of a bed, 1 window with enough cracks for stale breeze to pass through, 1 soul reminiscing !

"Geez...it stings! just mere wind of the night makes it burn...gosh! to think that these were delivered by a human being...i feel like i was mauled!!"

words aloud in speech, only recalling the moments spent before with "another"... this is how it all happened!

Traveling towards a break that was well deserved, in the most sought state in the world! Landing in the most deprived part at the same time!...didn't quite bother me! any part was fine!

Contemplating my contact list of long lost, but now found friends, i stumble on one that led me to postpone making contact, because i felt no urgency to...

Time rolled by, days turned into weeks...then i finally decided to "link up"

"Hello!...how u doin' long time no talk!
"HEY! you're here!? how long are you here for!?
" I'm around! what are you up to?"
" We've got to catch up! I'll call you and we'll hook up!"
"I'm cool with that...later then!"
"K, bye..."

And so it began, like a scrabble game! a blank board beholds you, you tiles await you to decode its prizes...but when you decode and paint the blank board with your seemingly "right answers" you've got to refill and rethink...that damn bag with them damn "letters" blindness to the unknown "next move"

"The hook up" (i'll paint it in a poetical sense!)
1's and 0's caused the 2 parted bodies to meet in the mid winter season of the state that never sleeps...Grins of anxiety and elation filled the misty air, as eyes of expectancy met for the first time in a long time!

Conversation of past was stated on the agenda...how could you possibly get away from memory lane! steps of guesses and exhibition of the "modern world" were also revealed in the nights proceedings...no one knowing what would happen next!...time went by, and moments grew more, as the 2 "joy lights" shared memory of past and laughs of bliss, and chuckles to bare stupidity...but then...the first move was played...

I know not!, if it were the influence of the sea, the still scenery of the many bridges, like a web seemingly lit by new aged candles, or was it the smell of my shirt?

She leans towards me, playfully guiding her head towards my lap..."you don't mind do you!?" "unintentional" toying words escaped from her lips..."No! it's ok!"....misleading words of "leading intentions" proceeded from mine...yet again...our eyes met! but this time, different from the last...as though speaking to me...but i was unable to interpret the new body's language.

Conversation changes!...past crush! well noted events!...pleas for "being noticed" that went unanswered! unmarked occasions of observed sitings! all came to fore in a matter of minutes...

My mind a fire!..."what is the meaning of all this"... unexpected happenings, causing share chaos in an open mind! then i noticed...'her nails'...long enough to handle, sharp enough to please! all "10!!!"...that drove me wild! obviously seeing everything from there on in...differently...

"Dumb insolence" my new tactic...no premeditated moves, but just dumb insolence...

"It's cold out here!? whoa...it really is..." unintentional toying words, yet again! escaping her lips...
this time; they sounded like the beckon of lust & desire... the first "parted" bodies, connects with playful gesture, then further connects with "unintentional" embrace (for the sake of body heat)

"I think it's time we go now..." she says; facing me with dancing eyes..."it's getting late! it's not like i have anything to do tomorrow, but i don't wanna get stranded out here!" OK! i replied, obviously dashing all thoughts of what i harbored before! (not like it was going to happen! gosh your mind is so warped!! you ought to be ashamed of your self) conversation of my mind to itself (that must be so far from that poor girls mind...aww...you sick bastard) bashing myself to death in my head...but then i remembered those nails!!... those nails were talking to me now!...despite all other distractions...them nails had me hooked!!

"iight then...let's go...!" we slowly picked up our cold bodies and began our journey to our "separate" places..."Maybe i should stay at your place!" intentional toying words escaped her lips...(WHAT!?...did she just say what i think she said? nah! she has got to be playin') Ok!? my reply, in certain nervousness! you gonna stay at me for the night?...my jarring question!..."YEA!" in surety she replied..."let me get some clothes first, and we'll go to your place!"

Mind you, this has never been rehearsed or even played out...

By this time, i'm in complete denial as to the entire nights proceedings....and in obvious shock to the previous statement made...to make a long story short....

"My apartment"
Dim lit "bachy" room with just enough room to turn around at slow pace; 1 piece of a TV, 1 half of a bed, 1 window with enough crack for stale breeze to pass through, 1 soul expectant !

Memorable words escapes her lips..."it's been 2 years! i don't even know what this should feel like!..."

Damn those nails!...

signed: tributary...for the resident "listener"

Panorama psyche

Picking my brain...again and again...daring never to stop! Yet again I've done what i thought i was done with sometime ago...

That paranormal sense of attraction, stimulating hormones of belligerence & sensuality! Causing the levitation of aspirations.

This "un named" phenomenon dazzles me with its nuance! always reminding me that at "most times" it is not intentional. "What do you see? what do you feel? what draws you to relinquish your ego?"

Grasp of such knowledge would only equate to the Garden of eden and the tree of life & death..."what you don't know, can't hurt you! But ignorance still kills!!..."

Risk of choice or knowledge, is the sole responsibility of the mind that wonders...cycle upon cycle, cell on cell...your psyche builds and breaks like rolling waves on the shores of elation; with each fading thought!

"Blocks of nothing stand high! steering the masses from the promise land" each persons' destiny is within, and is only obstructed by oneself! Allowances of distraction...serves only to show the weakness of one's mind...Padre' cries out to you..."serve only to build up! never to put down! serve only to engage, never to retreat!"

We are the creators of HAVOC, only amazing! how mere Grey matter can release the imaginative depths of hades...never once seen, never once experienced!...only described by the thoughts of other unheard men...a noisy few they are!

"what is it like? what would it be? how would it feel?"...questions that would've stayed unanswered if only man had stayed in his grace! not touching the forbidden fruit; that has not yet been identified!

"Are we eating it now?" would we still eat it, if we had only knew?...i submit to you!..."Choices made, are turns served, turns served, are courses charted!"

As mankind comes to its deserving end...i surmise; "life ongoing is not for the mortal minded at all, for with memory to that, our end would be served, shaken not stirred, with trillions of finales to come!!

Signed; seeker of wisdom, and Kingly understanding! for man is yet to fail...again!

Powerless = Humility

I begin with a simple yet profound question...

What is a Titan without it's power? I submit to you my answer...a mere "over sized" mortal!

I am being thought a great lesson...probably the greatest in my life! i deem it the "detox" phase

In some cases i have stripped myself of vanity, and fame! In others, i have been stripped of these very things...but as the old saying goes; "Old habits die hard!" I'm beginning to believe that more and more each day.

More than 2 years ago

Young, aspiring, determine professional! Didn't have a care in the world...Good Salary (check) Good Job (check) Resources to my leisure (check) Perfect social life (check) Prospective business (check)
What else could i ask for!? But as i went along...i grew to realize that life wasn't all about it's fancies! It was about your "moral satisfaction" and what changes you can make to gear this world to be a better place!....So

I began to "strip" slowly but surely...i began to do away with the big shot parties, the executive spending, and mall hunts, and the pristine "then" life

Transitions of having alot to not having at all! was the gargantuan turn of events!!! But, with its seeming hopelessness from time to time! it cause the even & solid betterment of a "moralized" life!

Daily introspection and constant evaluations were conducted..."gene by gene, strip by strip, follicle by follicle" i saw the hemorrhaging caused by life past!
Daily now! i treat the case with "de-toxicating of" and the "surrogating with"...it has led me to the point of "madness"


Never understanding what "Re-hab" meant until this season of change! hence my title...Powerless = Humility


I was dependent on life's "wants" rather than the Almighty's "needs", thinking that i'm doing the right thing...making clear the once cluttered corridor to my inner conscience, has now shown me how insignificant and purpose less i am without him! Thinking that a good job, lots of money, favour in man eyes was the whole "sha-bang" but life has just began at 23 for me!

As mentioned before in maybe one of my chronicles; i was accustom to the pronounced and paved course that was revealed to me nearing my coming "older years" But ever since my minds eye saw no further than this age that i have acquired recently! don't you think that some eventful not forgetting pivotal happening has come to fore!

I my friend; will allow history to write it's needed pages according to my destiny! i see no further now! i'm guessing because i need not to trust in my own flesh...because the hand of man fails! but the hand of God is sure & just!

Believing now that i am almost bone, going to marrow of myself's "death" nearing the new being that i was called to be...forgetting the past & its joys is and will never be, the easiest thing! but "the storm is heaviest when it's almost over..."

I pray the end of my storm, for my mind and old body is about to swallow me up, because i am weak!

signed: being of transition, under pressure by the past!

Moon Gazer...these are for you!

From day to twilight!

the seeming mending of foreign hearts took place where the shores were kissed by the sea!
Like us...ever so gently the kisses grew more and more with each passing "tide second".

Sweeter and sweeter, lingering "thoughts" fused minds and fantasies, causing us to wonder what the future of moonshine & seashore kisses have to offer!

Alas! the passing of the rays of a mischievous lunar being, the fading hours of circular invoking, lulls with each second.

Alas! a wondering soul is at rest until another 28 days and counting.

A period of "periods" if you may..., but leaves no blood with it's shining slash, only satisfied venus' and dead mars!

"Until another shining my orange arouser! Until another shining...i bid you until!"

But even with the pain of being prisoner to a rotating master! It hurts more knowing i cannot share my fired passion "legally" with a prisoner of "want"

For you my tender kisser! for you my moon whisperer! For you!

When our eyes would touch, along with our intentions and our reservations! Like my moon, i bid you...."until"

Sensual moonshine!

I've never written about the trials i face when my "lunar, rotating arouser" shines it's mono light features...

It first began in the early 90's..."sprouting teenage years" when images of panties & exposed flesh was the drive of my young mind! Stimulation, was the drug of the day...due to eventful discoveries of my evolving body!...

"I just thought that it was the current era that took its "enlarging" effects & speedway thinking! Little did i know, that like the seas, my tides were dependent on the "circular night blazer"

Ever since my revelation...I've hid and isolated my supreme weakness of the navy blue sky, ruler of the stars and night crawlers.

Unbelievably, the "mojo" i already own, triples in it's rays, primal senses of dark desires invoked in the very nearing of it's reign!

Lately, I've allowed a moon gazer to share the last evening of my 3day isolation from my "arouser" all i can say now, is that she's my moon after the shine, since her utterances of past!

Her words exactly:
"She sat relaxed in a fine, wooden piece of furniture. The "chair of bliss", she called it and willingly allowed her thoughts to "engulf" the radiant, luminous figure which stood erect in the moonlight sky.
The full, pale yellow beauty immediately reminded her of someone. Whom i'm sure is smiling wherever he is.
His name escaped her lips... Completely aware of the phenomenal effect it has on him. Eyes a glow and legs clasped firmly together, only the heavens knew what she thought of there after!" that was her first utterance that geared my mind as to what my moon gazer was thinking about there after...she further spoke of her past fond memories!

"Her name whispered!" was a soft masculine, familiar voice. Little did she know that her dreams were yet to be realized when a warm, all ecstatically consumed figure, crept up behind her; and skilfully glided his slender fingers across her cheek and behind her ear...now revealing, a once hidden and very bashful eyes. Full of feminine boldness and bliss beyond mortal understanding!

The hairs on her neck tinged in response to the amazing feeling which swept over them. They kissed...quite similar to the one on his 21st birth night celebration.

Bahama Breeze was the venue. As stolen lips wrestled! They both embraced a sexual experience with bitter-sweet difference, and slept peacefully that night..."

even with this second utterance...my lunar master, seemingly has no more hold on me, but in turn my shackles are traded over to a mental lust prison...locked up and clamped by the softest of seductive lips, honey like petals, with a sweet aura, and sticky encouragement for more...moon gazer further says...

"Drawn i was by the sinking softness of my pillow and moonlit beams dancing on my roof. They danced with passion, fueled with vigor. Cloudy eyes gazed earnestly, questionably loosing the battle with sinking softness. Then! wide awake, my eye lids batted, where do you go!? aired my shaken voice; Where do you go? Now clear and curious. Only to receive a meager response; 'We'll return...! Familiar folks and frenzy await us!...We waited...I wasn't ready! i flustered!

But before i can give voice to protest, my room went pitch black! I sat up and saw their pale yellow master taken by a cloud....i thought, 'if only life was so simple, predictable, imaginable!

I then surrendered to sinking softness...wished thoughts of a particular, peculiar friend, who not only brought memorable delight, but life long twilight dreams...lying side by side."

My eager redemption, may be closer than i think from and rising and fading circular friend...but until my key has been revealed, i can only sit and reminisce like my moon gazer!

Signed: The lunar sex slave, awaiting a fanfare of life long nocturnal fantasies!

Nauseous

Remember back in the day, you would leave something where you left it, and you would expect it to be the same way you left it!?

Well well well...has time surely shifted the course of many, and re-routed every mind & spirit!
It's almost as though i'm walking through "ground zero" but the buildings haven't been touched!

Frames, structures, concepts...all "look" the same, but drastic change has taken place... WITHIN!

It was my joy to return to the land of my naturalization...the land that made me who i am, the land that thought me what to do when things are down, and how to survive when all is lost...

But it seem as though the wise serpent hasn't fed itself it's curing venom! it's almost like being immortal! come to think of it, immortality is a great responsibility!

Think about it, to be born!...then to live...along with living, you watch those that you've shared your life, pains and joys with...to witness their passing, and you're still there! only left with a memory of what the past was, but nothing you can do can bring them back!...

To hide the hurt, you make no affiliations, because the next generation is on it's way in and out...but you are left as the constant present! Scary...i know...

That's how i feel...like i was in a time capsule...just waiting for the right time...to be reborn into the world we all know...but with each passing day of your "re entrance" you cringe and twist in fear and disgust when you see what the world has come to!

But with the "turn of the new age" i began to realize why old people behave the way they do!...


Food for thought!..it took me 1 year away from a green land to see eye to eye with the wisdom of the nation...

Don't wait until then...learn from my seeming mistake!

Signed: the bridge that you almost burnt to your destiny!

Just as i suspected!

Fear of the past thoughts i bore even before my evolution!! Came to "pass" in my present, i knew they were there! i tried to deny, cause i'm thinkin' that my new being would've scented the old world with my new aura! but WOW! was i wrong...

For the sake of self destruction, and the explosion to cause damages to alliances that i cherish to DEATH! I'll allow this old world to consume me...i'll die to self for the sake of others!

My usual cycle of life...

This is going to hurt SO BAD!!!

I break down just thinking about it!!...

I know that i've made mistakes, but i truly believe that isolation is my "living option"

signed: caterpillar
I will fly and be beautiful, upon my ascension in the open sunlight!

"Life in cue, on borrowed air"

....(the sound of an old tape recorder, activated by the press of it's 'play' and 'Rec' buttons...and i begin to speak....)

"So it all began!!! like the press of a button!!....naturally ordained...

My adolescent life, filled with great confusion and mishaps! left me in a boggled state!! Yet through all this chaos...my features occurred! Rapidly changing, and causing major happenings.

i was told during this era in my life, that i was going to cause women to wonder why is it they like me so much!!!....the curse was delivered!

Ever since, I've witnessed the 'hither and thither' of women in my life...some slowly...some rapidly...but one thing was invariable...their willingness to 'wait'...

Now this phenomenon always fascinated me! I always thought that even in the wildest dreams of a young boy, these 'pauses' as i call them wouldn't have been real...i used to brag and boast at the fact that i were the current topic of many young, admirable, prominent ladies...with a few 'un-amibitious' ones sprinkled in the mix.

I was the envy of many boys my age group, and even questioned and studied by older ones! But no one told me that this seeming 'glory' would have a bitter back lash.

I've grown to study people, study their behaviors, study their norms...and since then I've grown a SUPER judgmental streak .

Even before you talk to me or approach me, i place you at level 1, which is...there is between 75-100% chance that you'd like me, and you'd be attached to me because of my:

1) Behavior
2) Speech
3) Ambition
4) Charm &
5) Looks...

Note: I placed looks last, because i have proven that once i have a beautiful mind, my facial features don't matter.

SO...i've figure that out over the years, moving from teenager to young adult! and boy did i have fun!!...I've paused so many lives, damaged a few, practically changed some courses of histroy, just because of my mere presence. And why does this happen...!? when you get the answer... let me know!

Let me tell you the truth...young men like me, are the most dangerous kind in the male specie. We are very adaptable...attention givers...and very friendly...'users' if you like! But! you'd think that i'd use this to my advantage!...i did...and i didn't like the result!

I have looked into the eyes of the most pretty, confident, talented young women, and damaged them mentally, by playing with their minds...some of you may read this and think..."This bastard must have some nerve...thinking he's damaged me someway or the other!" Reality check!!...I HAVE, whether you like it or not. I've either changed or created some part of you, most times I've created, some monsters some leaders, some bitches, some activists! Most times it wasn't intentional!! But some of you needed a fix!!

What do i mean by pausing a life!? I mean, giving false hope to anyone that would listen to your wolf cries! Giving ear to a person that just wants an ear, but in the process looks deeper than you; just accommodating them for the time being! Adding fuel to a dying fire, and they see you as a savior in their time of trouble!

...The cycle is continuous!! Women come...women go, some as tricksters, some as lovers, some as friends but you turn them into rag dolls, some as mere contacts but you draw them close to you for no particular reason...By the time your done with the emotional roller coaster...you would never know what true love means...yea i know, kinda messed up specie...

SELF DESTRUCT! I cling, knowing that it is NOT going to be real, but you have every false intention to yourself that you're goin' to make it work...then I get involved, deeper and deeper, thinking that I'M changing, but deep, deep down inside, I know for a fact that I'm plainly being the patient black widow, wanting for the right time to strike! To render my prey helpless, in my web of deceit and flowery dreams, to take something from them that i want!! and paralyze them...making them dependent on MY borrowed air!!

WOW!... "why don't we hook up" they say, "i'd do anything for you!" "we would make it!" "I'd love to bare your children!" they cry, "i would never love another, the way i love you!"...

...click!...another life in pause...another life in cue...because of the unforgettable impression, they wait for you! believing that all will be just as they left it! and i would return to simply 'play' the record of a never ending bliss...

...Sounds like a fairytale...doesn't it!

I weep within many a day, wishing that i had never met some of these 'victims' of my leech-ism...i believe that some of these people could have plain done without me making that 'branding' impression on their lives...but all i can do is weep...weep and pray...that one day, they would wake up out of that daze & smell reality! that one day, they would read right through my facade...and send me back to where i came from... that one day they would break forth from my kiss of dream and live in real time

That way, i would begin introspection & reformation of my true self...

You see, during my studies of human behavior, I've realized; once a habit is encouraged, isn't it going to be harder to break! So in this instance, once i keep collecting victims for my cunning traps, wouldn't it be harder to resist!?

Truly a dilemma...solution..."Operation RUN-SNOB"

I've developed this failsafe plan, that can either run me into some 'fat lips' or the woman that was meant for me...i do pray it's the latter.

Be mean, maintain the strong mask, so no feelings, become as naive to the opposites sex & their obvious feelings for you...

If they stick around, watch them closer, and be even harder, if they stick around after that...it's either one of 2 things...
1) They have a copy of this blog in their back pocket
2) They must really like you!

But, truth added to truth, "How can one love another, if he in himself has not found love!?"

So my advise...don't listen to what i say! don't like my charm, don't like my speech, don't like my whit, my ambition, my goals...help me find my love...my first love...help me find..."ME!" Because, like you, both our lives would remind "in cue" if we don't first "play" ourselves.

(reaches over...stops the recording...sighs...thinking to myself...)
"this tape would only be heard by the one that deserves to hear!"

From the lips of the playful kissers, of lustful wants (K)