Abstract Pen

Satisfy...
Clenched to my pen, my mind squeezed dry
from blood to ink, black ink
blotched onto my glasses
steering diligently into some form i cannot comprehend

"Here i go again!!" eruptions of emotions to "satisfy"
wriggling my hand, wrist and fingers
Translating confusion to some sort of comprehension to the abstract mind

Your eyes cross...
Rolling along my lines, interpreting your own confusion
yet you read!! You read mine, you read mind

STOP!!
I try to heal the bleed
but the ink just keeps flowing
towards numerology, towards java, towards HTML
I compare myself to readable pieces
i enjoy their own confusion as much as mine, as much as mind

So...no longer am i alone
In this vacuum! The silent slaves are all around
Stroking, clacking, clicking, pressing to freedom
But our globe revolves with a tube
fed by ink, often black! Seldom blue...but always grey

Grey in situation, that burns the invisible words to begin
to begin to "be" to be a being

Being...ME!
possessed by feelings, led to a new era

"I think I drank too much"
Thought i could bare the beer of words
but now my mind much thicker

Influenced by one's great than me
Some louder than me!
Some softer than me!

But all clear,
Clear to the sun that shines
Clear to the leaves that whine to the ground.

"Satisfy..."
Hooked to the globe
often times slim
I'm talking about my pen
YEA! my PEN!!
Satisfied!?

Crush

Where do I begin?

Your thoughts were spoken
Our feelings grew high...a conversation that multiplied to many
Some still ongoing

Though lonely, both of us were
We found similarities, like any other "new friendship"
the excitement of getting to know you... intriguing
Truly! there must be something more to conversation

Attraction!
A word often misunderstood and now my phobia
Crossed feelings from fragmented memories of loves lost!
A human virus, one that must run it's course

"Spoken" time and time again
Hiding reels and reels of dialogue just because it can cause the making of a "Saga"
Something’s are better left unsaid!!

"Connected" by a mutual feeling and situation
That of a period..."This will all go away!"
During though, it feels so right! But it's so...
What is it?

Now we're both wondering...
Where will this end?
And if it does..."why does it have to?"

Body Snatcher

An innocent by stander
the wrong place at the wrong time
She stood there, oblivious to the schemes of his heart

She was once clad in his eyes
His vicious lust stripped her roughly
Leaving her raw and sore...

Little does she know she's being grinded, worn, stomped to the sheets
An innocent by stander, the wrong place at the wrong time

He...cunningly sparks the conversation
searching for common interest in all forms and fashions
She...grins and giggles, slowly un arming her mind of the defense that once was

He...leads the dance fluently...to the point of contemplation
She...being led like a sheep to the slaughter
He...danced and swayed with words that brought delight and frolic
She...knowing full well "this is just another..."

Left on an unanswered call...he masterly drifts and gives space for the words to sink
Being able to promptly answer that call, for he will be present in her daily life there after

Sunken words, a jolly thought here or there...
She falls...ready to be devoured!?
He...grips the baton and runs into her life
the answer to all question and mysteries
He...fulfills her every dream, not pressuring the issues that most men go after!!
He...is there to listen, to guide, to be there in everyway possible
He...is patient for the kill...

She...grabs him with open arms
unable to figure out why is he so real, so calm, so right!

But he's a GURU...master of the play of hearts, deceiver of many moons
The mood is set, the place is right...it is time to be sacrificed...

He...caresses her body, gliding hands and kneading lips aloft her skin
She...quivering for the stuttering "stop" but the words cannot escape her lips...

He...ready and sure of the feast beneath him
She...likewise!?

Crossed locked legs about his body, pulls him slowly to be kissed on the forehead
playfully nibbles his ear and whispers gently..."All this time, you thought you lured me...welcome to my den!!"

He...frozen to the core by warm gentle words...
She...ushers him inside Hades courts...
The rest is history...

As started, An innocent by stander...
He looked with intent, but intent was merely the mirror of her heart
Masterminded, pre conceived...

The "by stander" the predator
The "onlooker" the prey
Classic case; Body snatchers everywhere!!

Almost

I almost handed you my pain!
I almost ripped my heart for you
You almost made me cry my tears I’ve held for years...

Settling for your subtle love
I thought you were sent from above!
Thought about you every night, even when within your sight

You were so good!!
Talked me up and down my strain
Sat me down, you helped me maintain my calm
Being angry within...yet I still couldn't let you in!

Everything seemed right
Your lips dripped words of soothing power
At least that's what I thought

You revealed the guile in you...
Unmasked the face that was truly you
Shocked within...you played me for a sucker

Firing darts to separate me from what truly matters
Sowing seeds of discord...you had it all figured out!
Divide and conquer...

I almost made strife for me
I almost thought you'd set me free
It felt so good to know that I can let go...
I almost!! ALMOST let the true me show!!

Higher

Once grounded...nothing in my reach elevated me
I wanted to go higher

Surrounded by circumstances that wouldn't make me
instead would break me to pieces
I wanted to go higher

Climbing wasn't easy...in this society!!
Crabs in a barrel had nothing on me...
The will to drive towards my calling, eyes on the prize!!
I wanted to go higher

Nearing my peak, the storms got wilder
Winds blew colder! the roads got fogged up

Knees bent, head up to the sky i cannot see
as the dust and fog engulfed me...
I pray to my maker

"Dear God! Tho i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no Evil!!"

Imps plague my mind! as i utter words of praise
"GIVE UP!! you're a nothing, a NOBODY!!"

"But i want to go higher!"

Weak in the knees, i stumble to stand
Gathering all my strength, i fight to step further
1 against the voice in my head
2 to shatter the doubt ahead
3 I'm going to make it
4 Got to keep the fight alive
5 I want to go HIGHER!!!

Stronger!! i stand firm...
Ready!...Gone!
Like a gush of wind, i fly higher than high
for i've reached the top!!

The height is reached, the trials below me
Does it end here!!
NO! NO! I want to go HIGHER!!

That Chair

Chair: Soft, Big, Empty
Heart: Racing, Pumping, Ready
Mind: Mark, Set, GO!

Showers gentle, short but sweet
Encouraged all that met and...and...

Closer, tighter as we hold!
Hoping, grinding, no longer cold

Sweating, pleading, Never Stops!
Moaning, Groaning, until it drops!

Chair, to door, to more and more
Parts screaming to settle the score

Teased, not pleased..what's happening here?
Baby! Relax! Let's go back to the chair!!

Chair, chair...hand in hair...
Chair, Chair...no longer there!!

Hand in Hair, Here...hair!!?
Legs beware, where!?...there!!!

Pushed, taken, soaked, filled
Pulled, dragged, shifted...skill!

Held, gripped, God!! i'm whipped!
Squinted!! Printed! Hand...Hip!!

Faster, Harder, YESSSSSSSSSSS...OOOOOOOHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Silence, only heart beat tone

Soft, Hugged, Kissed
Exhale...Deep breathe...Exhale
DAMN!! that CHAIR!!

Slumber

I can no longer see beyond the eyes that block mine
My space is no longer clear...
Backed up by face and teeth and cheeks

Mashed in the wall
The room in my brain crowded by so many...strangers!!
I once relished the space i once had...but no longer...no longer do I live for me

I turned in my dreams, never to rise for it was heaven
Undisturbed peace and rest
As my wings filled up with the air
I sailed on the peak of my dreams, soaring higher and higher
No failure in sight...sheer bliss

Wouldn't eat for days
cause I’m filled with the dew filled air of success
the lightness of opportunity
Infinite joy and pleasure, i'm my dreams

Folded my hands and squeezed my eyes
my world no longer black, but white...bright white
Halos on every soul, Clothes didn't matter
Shape, money nor shade bothered anyone

Hours would pass, in this highest of highs
the drowsy, warm feeling...
Hugged by my deepest, widest love...
Kissed by my fantasies
Lost in my own mind, and couldn't care less...

Out of touch

Scared to touch the keys or even breath...
Thoughts unwind...thoughts in my mind...
Differences! all not too clear!?

Day dreams rampant...
Clouting me to blackouts, leaving me dazed!!
No Josephs' at my side, im clueless to the call

What do i paint with?
i record no wonders! to be bombarded by farfecthed dreams
All racing my blood to a vapour

What a tradegy
Imprisoned to running these legions of thoughts
not having enough time or paper to contain them...

Not even ink can come close to this spring
Yet im come to the keys and the screen...and they all shy away!!
"Not a situation in sight, not an inspiration...!"
but i got to write!! i got to think of something along the way!!

Running in the dark
hamster tracks...churning that big wheel
grinding the spookes...got more to give...but seeing nothing at the end

The well is getting too deep...
This has not ended...
TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Golden 1960's

I sat among an ERA
Rich with sound, lyrics and action
Filled with Golden figures and pillars of knowledge

Honored to stem from such a forest of life
My leaves green and robust, turning more and more to the sun
My apex razor sharp, but is saddened
For there are no other inspired buds behind me

I peer across the room, surrounded by centuries of wealth
No receptacle to hold or even brace these age old landmarks
Nothing young!!
All aged bodies, withering with time
Grey and fading black is all I see

I felt burdened by the silent cries of all
As they looked right back at me
Young narrow shoulders, slim legs standing among these oracles

My ears burned with delight
As I was serenaded by pleasantries of what the era birthed
Music to my ears, soothing to my soul as they painted pictures with thwarted brushes
Brushes given to them to live; in a time of lack
Who carries this era to the next?
Who then teaches our own young if no young is there?

Burdened! Disgusted! Shocked! That I stood alone
...I stood alone!
Pre-destined to learn and programmed to carry this load

Strength I pray and life I ask for those that have to teach
Patience I ask of those to open the doors to let me into their era long gone...
“The Golden Era!!”

The Golden boys and girls that enchants the soul
Of which I want to feed on
To garner strength for the journey ahead

Give them time! Some of mine! That we may live to nurture one another
Golden are they!
Golden I wish to become...

Riot Act

Cracked!
I've initialed my Riot Act

Silence is deafening!!
Worried statues speak out in fear
Mother "figurines" finally give up

"Assumption" served cold with tears for wine
all on a strife platter

Am i that blinded? have i indeed garnered hate that high to see the fall and shame of others?

I've uttered nothing to which i haven't seen
"A painter" coloring that which doesn't exist! or do they?

Cracked! I've initialed my Riot Act
my distance has opened doors
Some bad, some good
The intention of the heart can never be understood
For the heart never speaks! it aches and bleeds

Exodus, privy decision
When? Soon!!
Why? To live
HOW? to prove a point, that i can without..."your masks" and reigning strife
if i can't do better, then; it is better to have tried and failed, than to have never tried at all

Cracked!
I've initialed my riot act
Deep seated mental, dashed in my face at every weak instant
Not knowing how that really feels!!
My present......feeding my past.....through theirs!!

Unplugged, terminated, uncovered
leave! you're free to go!
Cracked!
I've initialed my riot act
This when i leave i'll never come back!!

They say...

What does the mind bare?
Think; poets; spoken word
What is it really?

Prose and Odes of most times misery
or sometimes sensational
sexual fantasies and horrid imagery of pain

An abyss of souls; screaming pain and fear into readers and listeners
spitting and spewing share poison
some call it "intellectual utterances"

No longer of beauty
to rest words melodiously together
some abstract; some plain
No longer music to the eyes and notes to the ear
but anger and hate and segregation

To see realities in the eyes of hatred
is to have seen hell itself!!
To feel the rage; to hear their thoughts
shrieking and haunting the corridors of my mind

Must we harbor such feeling?
Must we burn the page, ear and eyes
with our word ridden fire?

They say we're crazy! strings of insanity
fault and disruption follow our lives
"Maybe true!" But aren't you just as crazy our
more to read it and think; "i never thought of that!"

Possessed

Clingy again
Possessive or possessed?
Controlled or uncontrollable?

But what is possession?
A word that sparks evil at its very mention for the holy minded
sparks just the same; but different in meaning for the rich man
all but different yet again for a lover and a friend.

Possessed!
Able to manifest differently each time it is mentioned
I have "possessed!"
Have been "possessed"
And long to be "possessed"

Sticky again! Riddled by situation
Random words, toying thoughts
causing questions of my frame of mind

The answer! possessed
The question? BY...........?

Rush

Awaken! eyes bright as the sun
but still gloomy as last night.
The dew changed my skin to sleet
heavy on my frame

In a lying position, fooled by immobilization
I look upon myself; There's nothing wrong with me!
so why do i feel rain clouds?
I'm spirit heavy!!!

Awaken! Eyes bright as the sun
Birthed thoughts dance on my locks
I rise, only to shake them to start the scant and roll of more

My eyes dance as sun rays play against my skin
the more they dance, the more I feel my mind stretching
searching deeper in the gold mines in my mind
"I'm sittin' on a gold rush!"

Rich thoughts excite me! So I jump from slumber
they seep from grey matter to veins,
sprinting towards my heart

Getting higher and higher on life, my mind unfolds new pictures
Paintings larger than present life; instead the future
Bright and beautiful

The baton passes from my heart to my flesh
filling every crease and pore
causing me to move again!
Ready for the WORLD!! because I'm HIGH ON LIFE!!

That life that awaits me
NO MORE DRAMA!! just lifetime stories that will go on with my passing...
A LEGACY!!

So I buckled up my shoes and I started to run
Run wherever my feet would take me, to spread the good news
I stop every stranger, to share the burning good in my heart

"What do you mean?? can't you see what this can do!
This can change our lives!!"
"No longer would we have to depend on the system, don't you get it!?"
"We can make dreams live!!!"
"You think I'm crazy don't you?"
"You don't think it can work!!"
"I should forget it!?"

Awaken?
eyes down to the ground
a hanging head sheds clinging thoughts to the tips of my locks
falling steady as they are crushed with my steps

I retreat to bed, and sail to unconsciousness
"If only I can live in my dreams!! I'd light man a fire with a burning desire to live their dreams"

For only when majorities move the multitude follows
Upstream is never easy
It takes a dreamer to live it!!

Missing

For all the wrong reasons
I said good afternoon and uttered my name

For all the wrong reasons
I followed up with what she said!

For all the wrong reasons
We made a friendship

It may not last
i may not survive the next day
But it happened! maybe for all the right reasons,
But who knows

All i know, is that i lack something
and decided to find a place holder
YES! a substitute, one that can never replace my original
but at least on to keep me talking

Talk=time=money=attraction
Attraction=realization=closeness= heartbreak
Heartbreak=square 1

It comes right back to Square 1
A cycle that "must" run, but will soon end
Said all this to say, i MISS YOU!, no one can replace you
Others will try, but none can stay by my side, cause it's taken
Give me time, give "US" time
Time+you = Infinity

Pandora's Box

Back from whence I came, I thought I lost things in my absence. Only to recognize that I was carefully “put away” by a pesky sibling. Parts of my life was missing! Some in pages, some in photos, some in folders. But just as I thought I had to live without them; They all make a very untimely reappearance!
I call it “PANDORA’S BOX”; particularly filled with death, or should I say, “things I thought were dead”. Out of it arises dormant feelings of the past! Most of which were guilty of love and pride of scorn. I sat for hours hypnotized by unspoken words loud enough to drill a hole in the wall, rich enough to pay for my blindness and deep enough to form wells of inspiration.
This “unfinished” had and still has many chapters to be written. And to think, “a picture says a thousand words” what about an album? And the many other mental images I remember?
Completely the opposite of the true story of “PANDORA’S BOX” but they are somewhat similar in some aspects. I’ve released a spirit of questions to myself, and I’ve begun to search my heart, often paying a blind eye to the obvious truth of which I feel! So, as a real homosapien I doubt myself and persuade myself that it isn’t so!!
My feelings are as real as the BOX I’m scared to look upon! Reminding me of the true love I’ve once had! The love that I’ve betrayed! Something I thought I didn’t want! But truth be told “I needed it.” Like lungs need air! “Yes! I know! Why cry over spilt milk?” because that milk was the life for me, now traded for second best! And to someone who would never be deserving in a million moons!
This “BOX” is powerful! Resurrecting pain as fuel to make a decision I may regret for the rest of my life…”letting go!”
Yes I have someone in my life that I love dearly, but I can never forget “her” and the things I have done. I am haunted daily by her absence and in her very words “can you love two people at the same time?” I hope there’s a method to madness! One of which that will bring correction to years of mistakes and erase the hate I’ve planted in surrounding souls called “friends.”
“Why did I find this box now!!? Is it a sign to follow? Or is it a lesson to learn from? Or is it one to finally discard?”
A flood of memories wash me away with each turn of a page, each letter unfolded! I know her! And she knows me!! Funny she knows me now, for I have always told her she doesn’t and could never figure me out!! But, little did I know that I didn’t even know myself!!
Who’s the loser now? I laugh at myself! Reminding me of what I had and how I treated it! “Young and dumb” that’s what I was!
Now young and wise after a harsh lesson learnt. I was swallowed by self pity having no one to blame but myself for my demise.
NOW KARMA WAS RETURNED!! Ain’t that a bitch!! Feelings and thoughts I thought I never had, begin to emerge and spew in jealousy. Trying to hide the green I feel, instead I’m scented with disgust!
“I’m tired of the masks!” I’ve lived with them too long. Now my ticking time bomb is ready to explode… at the worst possible time!! No longer must I be a memory, but I must be a legacy!”
To you my long lost!! In memory of you! In memory of us! The US now buried in PANDORA’S BOX… to die? Or to live again?

Man on fire

You hear statements!
You see actions… all unlinked from your circle
A circle that you’re supposed to be apart of
But you’re trying to stay in and dying to get out of!

MY SOUL IS ON FIRE!
Years I’ve quelled anger
Years I’ve kept secrets
Years I’ve turned the other cheek
I AM A MAN ON FIRE

Lit faster now as I grow older
I’ve come to the point that I have no fuse…
I BURN WHEN I SPEAK!!
If you can’t handle the heat , stay out of the kitchen.

My experiences never apologized to me!!
Why should I you!?
“I” was the straw that broke the camel’s back
And once and for all I WILL BE HEARD
I WILL BE RIGHT AND FOR ONCE I WON’T CARE!!

I BURN WHEN I SPEAK
If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen
I’M A MAN ON FIRE!!

MY FLAMES will save no faces
But will in turn expose the places that really hurt!!
THEY WILL HURT!! CAUSE I WILL INFLICT PAIN!!
Life is not a fairy tale; NO SUPER HEROES

Just heroine to numb me! That I can burn you away to vapor!
I’ve puffed, puffed and past my venom to the silent winds and solid rocks
I’ve burnt to live!
Now I’ve stopped burning to live again!
You wanna flare? Flick a spark in my path?

I will assure you!
I WILL EXPLODE!!
So be my guest, keep ticking me off!!

I BURN WHEN I SPEAK!
If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen
I’M A MAN ON FIRE
AND I WILL BRING THE HEAT!!

Fight against my own

Dukes up!!
Everyday!!
Everyday I fight to live another day

On guard!!
Swords drawn!!
Swinging and slashing till the break of dawn

At night
I fight…
Even my sleep to come to me

I’m tired
This heat…
All this …was never meant to be!

I strive!
To stay alive…
As the battle gets hotter…

Just like stone…
How could I condone
That I’m fighting against my own!!

I’ve tried to run away
Just not to fight another day
But to my dismay, I was forced to stay!!

“you think I don’t pray!!”
Just not to fight another day
But to my dismay, I was forced to stay!!

“You think I don’t pray!!”
I pray for strength to stand and fight
To fight with all my might
That I may live free!
Free from the destructive “3” in my sight

Allies have come to stand beside me
But as they behold the war, their eyes deny me
So I stand alone to fight against my own

Bruised and scared
Tortured and marred from the darts against my skin
But I treasure my marks
For they can never touch within

I stand afar so others can see
What those I hold closely have done to me!
As a decorated Apache, my story no longer in fear
The question you’d most obviously ask me
Is “How can you bare?”

I’ve lived a thousand lives
In the sight of others
Many of which I gave no time to bother.

They tell me, “son you have a heart of stone!!”
My honest answer to him:- “that’s what happens when you fight against your own!!”

I met Poetry

When i met poetry, i was young enough to be scared of the things that we would share!
But old enough to see that we were meant to be.

Poetry and me, we go way back
She tightened me up when my mind ran slack

We would make passionate love in any kinda weather!
and when things grew dim, she'd pull her light from within

Poetry held my hand when no family, friend or foe could understand...
if poetry had a body, she would be to me
the most perfect structure for all to see!

If poetry had a body, she would be to me
the perfect structure for all to see

She'd be tall and slender...OK!! maybe a little thick
enough meat on her bones that every guy would wanna stick!
Her lips sweet with words that are gentle to the touch
to give me more reason to kiss her much!

Her hands would be soft and aligned so i can write my letters
cause with her by my side, my understandings much better

Her hair would be the lines that i think and the verses that i bring
Long, black and many, when she combs it, it'll sing

Her voice will be the echo of my soul
that soothing resonance that makes me whole

Her entire body will be a temple where the good spirit dwells
her lips, breasts and thighs won't be the gateway to hell!!

Poetry and me we shine together
Me and poetry...yea that rhymes much better...

But no matter the order in which our names fall...
it'll be me and poetry through all and all...

Don't even think you can come between
cause i've already made poetry my queen!!

So bring the rain, bring the heat, bring the lightning, bring the thunder!!
For who God joins together, no man put asunder

Bring the rain, bring the heat, bring the lightning, bring the thunder!!
For who God joins together, no man put asunder!!