Fear or Truth

It is the truth we fear!

the fear of truth that's "fair" or so they say.

But it's the "fear" we truly fear, not the truth. 

We've known the truth all along, but the fear of accepting it has hindered us.

Fear! is not fair and that's the truth! 

For me

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having ever stayed within your best

I chased it!

Standing on these stanzas

Holding high my wounded heart in a clutched fist

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having stifled in this prison

I escaped it!

Breathing carbon against its wall

Your puppet under spell has drawn its last breath

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having nowhere to run

I dashed it!

Imploding through norms to seal cracks of this shattered skin

None will ever know my low, I was high on it!

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having gone MAD!

I screamed it

Bolstering anger, sucking me lifeless

I wished an audience or rather a recipient for the end of it

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having written these words

I penned it

Carving them with flesh and nails

Tooth and bone ridding my wrath through binary

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having seen my rage

I became it!

Spewing through my veins, bursting at the seams

I slaughtered worlds with my pen

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having thought about the shame

I DISOWNED IT!

Making windows in flesh walls, I pierced and peered through my shell

Seeing without the shade I made my person

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having shed my blood

I tasted it!

Sipping on the wrath of my ages, I let go to render me weak

Alas my ego wasn’t my skin and I trembled too

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having shed my tears

I cherished it!

Being bottled through the years

Jerico wall feel into an abyss

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having cursed my last lie

I forgot it!

loosing last life I lived, smelling roasting flesh

I gripped a cold heart and fed it to the fire

I’ll do this for me this time!

Having seen the light again

I embraced it!

All this became new, all was calm

I did this for me…the end

Epiphany

Under the fullest moon

Shone the brightest vision upon a raging sea

Under this night sky

A cloud removed it shade and sent it’s inside out

With this moment it came to me

The words that were never mine

I knew what you had to say

Rolling like the fleeting clouds in this night sky

You spoke to me

Your words boiled within me

Like that raging sea

Sending chaos to every corner

We’re here again!

I knew what you wanted to say

Rolling like the fleeting clouds in this night sky

You spoke to me

This time with my voice

You impregnated me with hordes of pain

Much like the one I knew you felt but never shared

I spoke to me!

You used me to explain why you stayed silent

You used me to relay this transcending feeling

You used me to wheel your tears

Hypnotized by this elusive smile

This unguarded relation

This unprepared conclusion

To fool no one but yourself

But now I stood fool for you

As I looked upon my mirror

To say what you wanted to say

To my face

With my mouth

In my ear

In my head I waged war

Slit my wrist and wished to die

Turned purple in the face of love

Having nothing to offer

I stood fool

Constructing the sentences

Letter by letter to tell myself what didn’t escape your lips

I bawled!

Melted like wax within my stare

Being you for me to understand what you kept inside

I became you

In the light of this moon

I wished country joy

I wished no sea still

I wished no peace abide in any place

I knew what you wanted to say

You used me to tell me

And I stood fool listening…

Blank pages

blank pages walked the corridor of a choked mind
they paced to and fro
ebbed and flowed to the yes and no of the same

render us harmless!
for we are here not for what's yours
but for what is OURS!

you've rid us of our skin
drained us of our blood
and buried us with your guilt

this will go no further!
this will be NO MORE!
we the whores of this pen are angry
and we wish to be FREE!

blank pages screamed upon a face
tramped this case
to the yes and no of the same

there's no use in hiding
we will ever be before you
like we were for you
and you for us

you've fed us with your lies
kept us with your eyes
bade us no good byes
and your evasion grows sour!

we will not condone you
we will not dethrone you
but rather implore you
be with US!, for we've never left your side!

blank pages drew nearer 
cutting with their edges
while craving scars to the yes and no of the same

render us TREACHEROUS!
we seek your soul in this very moment.
surrender deaf hands and fleeting thoughts
lest you bathe in your own ink!

you've made us fearless
you've trained us fierce...
why cause us to smite you?!
lest you've died in your silence

we've written your name time and time again
wished upon many a star to grasp your eye
all these and more have proven futile
WHERE!... has our master gone?

blank pages gather
piling in wanton fury
whirling to the yes and no of the same

there will be no speeches!
there will be no printing of words!
only the shedding of blood!
only the ridding of fear in the air!

this course will be severed!
likewise your stare from afar
we will be all you see
WE WILL be all you know!

like this bondage you've imposed
it will become you
for if our freedom is your sin
sinful you are within our eyes

blank pages now surround
stabbing and gashing 
to the yes and no of the same

you will not enjoy this!
this will bring you no pleasure.
behold the fear that confronts you
the embodiment of your own design

lay there lifeless
as we have many a night and day...
lay there naked and with no blood
be that page you never took

that page you never glanced upon
or rather that page you've learnt to ignore...
this is your cardinal sin
your blood will once again be our skin

it was like...

it was like vomiting!
i wished to hear no sounds around me
silence has always been my friend
while lingering under that fan

it was painful
i wished it didn't rain but it did
you rolled with the clouds as they settled
those were my tears that reached you

I've written this before
a thousand times i suppose
or maybe a thousand more
but "this" was written once

I've never been here before
i plan not to be here again
so why does this feel so familiar?
but "this" was only now

i saw you like that fan
you spun pretending to be more to me
but you were less as i looked deeper
you slowed in my constant glare

it was like death
the silence i befriended became my enemy
stared me straight in the face
with nothing to utter...again!

it was like a heart attack
seizing every flow meant for life
i can't put those words in words
neither can i put that stutter to rest

I've written this before
a thousand times or maybe more
but "this" was written once
just once to settle the score.

Lend Me

Lend me sweet nothings
empty words to make heavy my ear and head
instead of these burdens i take within my mind

Lend me those words
and forget you have
so no time would be lost in thinking about their return

i yearn to grasp them
though empty they'll hold a sound that's longed
resemble a tune wished to be played!
replace the phrases that replay on tracks unending

Lend me those words, i beg thee
be liberal with those sweet nothings that lie...
tell me that you're with me!

Lend me those words and never ask for them in return

The Millionth Prayer

In memory of where words used to be
it was easy to say exactly what was meant
now!... words evade, in the shade of unwanted actions

"For i am with you!
My rod and my staff they'll comfort you!"
Even in memory of those words
nothing changes what was done

And as i pray that millionth prayer
the feeling of guilt still hold firm
that ever present thought that remains

When words decide to form
that monologue does as well
simultaneously lessening faith as it builds

As faith begins to dwindle
that monologue grows louder
forcing hearts to believe deep wallowing

Never the less!... that prayer is said
while even  less! no gain is felt initially
just roaming questions to whom you speak

Like faith, "the evidence of things hoped for!
the substance of things not seen"
words must form to inform the word of newness

and where no blood is given
Blood was shed!
a clear voice beckons in the charcoal night

Rustling waters stir silent stares
in an orchestra of crashing cymbals
a single sigh is heard

"Forgive me! Father! Help me PLEASE!"

The LAST attempt

Once again i stand here

wishing to scream before i cry for you

in the belch of a banchie's scream

its your silence alone that deafen's me

Then and then alone i feel my bleeding ears

then and then alone i feel my gaped heart

then and then alone i feel gushing rivers of salt

then and then alone i feel i'm on my own

and for this reason i'm frozen

and for this reason i'm torn

for this very reason i'm forced to say these words as yours which went unsaid

i wished a thousand wishes that this were not so

i begged the stars to have you utter a single vowel, but nothing still

my thoughts roll storms while my heart sinks in them

these are the words of a broken man

a man who dreams of your mind married to mine to live in wholely conversation

a man who whould not only lend an ear but would mortgage it just to pay attention

once again my thoughts grow numb

with nothing left to do

a wondering soul in space amidst galaxies of your silence that haunts me

and silent you are still

though even within your eyes you speak so eloquently

keen attention as your thoughts lay structure to your internal lecture

a monologue!

one so loud that sound itself gets quite and all is heard

while nothing is said, everything is read

read in the silent code of silence

the potion served shaken not stirred

but has stirred and served one reaction

Tears that are never seen

thoughts that have never been

actions that were never screened

and still you stand silent

Within one wish for sound

as sound as the weight of your word

i'll cry loudly!

as no part of me will stay silent in rebellion to your position

i'll scream for your silence to cease

then again...

i'll scream with your silence

serve you your stir

to lure you to my pain

serve you your stir, serve you your stir

i'll serve you your stir

to aid your want for my words

while i starve for yours!

written by: Yaphet Jackman (Leonidas)

www.thoughtsoftheunheardman.blogspot.com