"Life in cue, on borrowed air"

....(the sound of an old tape recorder, activated by the press of it's 'play' and 'Rec' buttons...and i begin to speak....)

"So it all began!!! like the press of a button!!....naturally ordained...

My adolescent life, filled with great confusion and mishaps! left me in a boggled state!! Yet through all this chaos...my features occurred! Rapidly changing, and causing major happenings.

i was told during this era in my life, that i was going to cause women to wonder why is it they like me so much!!!....the curse was delivered!

Ever since, I've witnessed the 'hither and thither' of women in my life...some slowly...some rapidly...but one thing was invariable...their willingness to 'wait'...

Now this phenomenon always fascinated me! I always thought that even in the wildest dreams of a young boy, these 'pauses' as i call them wouldn't have been real...i used to brag and boast at the fact that i were the current topic of many young, admirable, prominent ladies...with a few 'un-amibitious' ones sprinkled in the mix.

I was the envy of many boys my age group, and even questioned and studied by older ones! But no one told me that this seeming 'glory' would have a bitter back lash.

I've grown to study people, study their behaviors, study their norms...and since then I've grown a SUPER judgmental streak .

Even before you talk to me or approach me, i place you at level 1, which is...there is between 75-100% chance that you'd like me, and you'd be attached to me because of my:

1) Behavior
2) Speech
3) Ambition
4) Charm &
5) Looks...

Note: I placed looks last, because i have proven that once i have a beautiful mind, my facial features don't matter.

SO...i've figure that out over the years, moving from teenager to young adult! and boy did i have fun!!...I've paused so many lives, damaged a few, practically changed some courses of histroy, just because of my mere presence. And why does this happen...!? when you get the answer... let me know!

Let me tell you the truth...young men like me, are the most dangerous kind in the male specie. We are very adaptable...attention givers...and very friendly...'users' if you like! But! you'd think that i'd use this to my advantage!...i did...and i didn't like the result!

I have looked into the eyes of the most pretty, confident, talented young women, and damaged them mentally, by playing with their minds...some of you may read this and think..."This bastard must have some nerve...thinking he's damaged me someway or the other!" Reality check!!...I HAVE, whether you like it or not. I've either changed or created some part of you, most times I've created, some monsters some leaders, some bitches, some activists! Most times it wasn't intentional!! But some of you needed a fix!!

What do i mean by pausing a life!? I mean, giving false hope to anyone that would listen to your wolf cries! Giving ear to a person that just wants an ear, but in the process looks deeper than you; just accommodating them for the time being! Adding fuel to a dying fire, and they see you as a savior in their time of trouble!

...The cycle is continuous!! Women come...women go, some as tricksters, some as lovers, some as friends but you turn them into rag dolls, some as mere contacts but you draw them close to you for no particular reason...By the time your done with the emotional roller coaster...you would never know what true love means...yea i know, kinda messed up specie...

SELF DESTRUCT! I cling, knowing that it is NOT going to be real, but you have every false intention to yourself that you're goin' to make it work...then I get involved, deeper and deeper, thinking that I'M changing, but deep, deep down inside, I know for a fact that I'm plainly being the patient black widow, wanting for the right time to strike! To render my prey helpless, in my web of deceit and flowery dreams, to take something from them that i want!! and paralyze them...making them dependent on MY borrowed air!!

WOW!... "why don't we hook up" they say, "i'd do anything for you!" "we would make it!" "I'd love to bare your children!" they cry, "i would never love another, the way i love you!"...

...click!...another life in pause...another life in cue...because of the unforgettable impression, they wait for you! believing that all will be just as they left it! and i would return to simply 'play' the record of a never ending bliss...

...Sounds like a fairytale...doesn't it!

I weep within many a day, wishing that i had never met some of these 'victims' of my leech-ism...i believe that some of these people could have plain done without me making that 'branding' impression on their lives...but all i can do is weep...weep and pray...that one day, they would wake up out of that daze & smell reality! that one day, they would read right through my facade...and send me back to where i came from... that one day they would break forth from my kiss of dream and live in real time

That way, i would begin introspection & reformation of my true self...

You see, during my studies of human behavior, I've realized; once a habit is encouraged, isn't it going to be harder to break! So in this instance, once i keep collecting victims for my cunning traps, wouldn't it be harder to resist!?

Truly a dilemma...solution..."Operation RUN-SNOB"

I've developed this failsafe plan, that can either run me into some 'fat lips' or the woman that was meant for me...i do pray it's the latter.

Be mean, maintain the strong mask, so no feelings, become as naive to the opposites sex & their obvious feelings for you...

If they stick around, watch them closer, and be even harder, if they stick around after that...it's either one of 2 things...
1) They have a copy of this blog in their back pocket
2) They must really like you!

But, truth added to truth, "How can one love another, if he in himself has not found love!?"

So my advise...don't listen to what i say! don't like my charm, don't like my speech, don't like my whit, my ambition, my goals...help me find my love...my first love...help me find..."ME!" Because, like you, both our lives would remind "in cue" if we don't first "play" ourselves.

(reaches over...stops the recording...sighs...thinking to myself...)
"this tape would only be heard by the one that deserves to hear!"

From the lips of the playful kissers, of lustful wants (K)